Wrestling

Gimli loves to play! Of course he does, he's a dog right? All dogs love to play. Well, Gimli doesn't just play- he takes play time very seriously. He is not content to just run and fetch a ball or a frisbee. He wants to chase, be chased, play tug of war, wrestle, and he wants to do it all intensely. He expects intensity out of us playing with him also. He can tell when we are faking it, and that's just not going to cut it for Gimli's play time. Before we had Virginia, playing with Gimli was our one and only hobby from when we got home from work until bed time. He wants quality time with us, and for him that means all of us being fully engaged in play time.

One of his new favorite games is called "Attack mom's dust rag while she's trying to clean the house." He jumps and dives after the dust rag while I'm cleaning off our bed, end tables, TV- anything. He will throw himself fully into obtaining this rag, without any fear of endangering his life. I've tried just getting out the rag and giving it to him, but that's not what he wants. It's not about the rag- it's about the chase and playtime with me. He doesn't want me to just give him the prize- he wants to engage with me, spend time with me, bond with me, and eventually, beat me to the punch by stealing the rag.

I want to want knowledge about God with this kind of intensity. Most of the time, however, I'm content to just receive the "answer". I am often lazy about my relationship with God and not really pursue getting to know Him. I'm quick to take the word of a trusted pastor or leader about what the Bible says about gray areas rather than seek out the answer myself. I often don't want to put forth the time and energy required to feed myself spiritually, so I just let someone else spoon feed me.  How undesired and unloved this attitude must make God feel!

I can't say that I have a personal relationship with Britney Spears just because I watched her True Hollywood Story episode, or I've read lots of news articles about her. In the same way, just because I let another person who has studied Scripture and spent years following after God tell me who He is, that doesn't mean I know Him. I think learning from educated and Godly teachers is very important, but it can never replace that personal time wrestling with God through the Scriptures, asking Him about what something means, searching for that answer, thinking and meditating on what God has revealed to us about Himself through the Bible, and walking with Him through that whole process.  It's not just about the answer- it's about the process, the time spent with God, asking Him to reveal Himself to me and teach me through His Word. Sometimes there isn't even an answer, sometimes it's just questions and more questions. But that's okay because we are engaging with God through that process, and since the point of it all is to get to know Him, that's happening if we find the answer or not.

Gimli is not happy or content if he has not had good play time with us. He knows he needs this, and makes it his top priority of the day, along with eating and sleeping. I need to be reminded of how much I need that interaction with God every day. I amy praying that God would give me an insatiable desire to dig into His Word & into times of prayer out of a need to know Him more and more. I pray that I am not satisfied with a cheap answer or a half-hearted pursuit of truth.

Community

My dogs get a very important truth: Life is better lived in community. They are each other's best buds. They play together all the time. When we walk them, they want to walk side by side, not one in front of the other. Sometimes they still have fights and get mad at each other if they steal each other's toys or treats, but they are quick to forgive and move on as friends. They know holding a grudge is a waste of time, and they need each other. Gimli had to be convinced of this when we first got Virginia. She has always been a little cuddle bug, so she tried to snuggle up to him from the get-go. At first, this was very undesirable to Gimli. He would get up and move if she encroached on his space, or push her out of the way. But over time, her sweet spirit won him over. Now he loves cuddling with her as much as she does him. Since we got Virginia, Gimli has been a much more contented and agreeable dog. He gets much more energy out by playing with her. We used to have to walk him 3 times a day (by walk I mean a true walk for 30 minutes, not just a potty break). Now, he doesn't need any long walks.

It can be tempting to try to go it alone in life. It is risky to put ourselves out there to meet new people, invest in friendships, & resolve conflict. It's so much easier to invest all our time in the person we know how to please the best- ourselves. I am a very social person, so I'm not tempted to go it alone, but I am tempted to be lazy about my relationships when I am focused on what I get out of the relationship rather than what I can give. I am often tempted to avoid difficult people because they require more work and energy, when they are the ones who need love and care the most. I am tempted to not invest in relationships when there is little chance of a long term friendship. Why does it have to be long term to be a good use of energy and time? What if the person I am building a friendship with needs that community more than I do? I can become so focused on my own needs that I miss out on a chance to serve others.

People's souls are one of three eternal things, along with God and His Word. What better use of time and energy is there than to invest in something that has eternal significance? God has called us to live in community with others- in fact, we NEED to be in community with others. This can be tough because sinful people are bound to hurt each other at some point. But if we can take the time and energy to make our relationships a priority, resolve conflict, and live life together, we will never be alone. Gimli and Virginia get it. I pray that I will too.

Fear of the Unknown

Gimli does not like uncertainty. He likes to know exactly what is going to happen throughout the day. He likes routine, to be in familiar environments and does not like change. He notices patterns and can usually predict what is going to happen based on our behavior. It's really amazing actually. When things don't go as he plans, he gets very anxious and out of sorts. When I leave for work in the morning, he's fine. But if I go to the store in the middle of the day on Saturday or Sunday, he cries and howls, and hovers by the door until I get home. This is not on his agenda, and he does not like it. The times we have moved, it has taken him several weeks before feeling comfortable in our new place. He will cry when we leave, which is uncharacteristic. He is unsure about where he is, so he doesn't want to be left without us.

I don't like uncertain situations either. I don't like that in a year Paul will graduate from seminary and we have no idea where he'll get a job, what kind of church it will be, what role it will be- there are so many options, it can be overwhelming to think about. I don't like that when Paul and I are out of the house, we don't know what's going on in our apartment. After being robbed, I have a lot of fear about leaving the dogs in our apartment. It's scary to not be in control.

The truth is, we're never in control. God is always in control. The fear and anxiety we feel on a daily basis due to not being in control is an utter waste. As Jesus said in Matthew, "How many of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?" None of us can. None of us can know the future, no matter how hard we try to predict it or guess at it. Sometimes I go online to pastor job website and look at what kinds of openings there are right now. I know it is a complete waste of time to do this, because Paul still has a whole year before he graduates, and those jobs will be filled by that time. It's pointless, but i'm tempted to do it anyway because I want to guess at the future to make myself feel better about not knowing. What I should do instead is focus on what God has called me to for today, and not waste time and energy thinking and worrying about the future. The same God who created the universe & knows everything that will happen for the rest of eternity, is the same God who created me, knows me perfectly, and offers to lead me through each step of my life. He has all the knowledge, all the power, and perfect love for me. He is entirely trustworthy. What could I do about my own life that would ever come close to what He could do?

I don't want Gimli to be anxious and worry about where I am. I want him to trust that I'm okay and will come back home very soon. God doesn't want me to worry either. My prayer is that as I continue to grow closer to the Lord by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, that I'll focus on worship rather than worry.

Feeding on the Wrong Things

I've mentioned before that Virginia is a living vacuum cleaner. She will eat anything. When I'm cleaning the kitchen, she will wait by my feet for the crumbs to fall to the ground off the counter so she can eat every little morsel. It's hard for me to understand why she would want to eat day old bread crumbs and dried cheese, but she can't get enough of it. I swear we feed her plenty of dog food! She does not need this extra food, it has no nutritional value, and has the potential to make her sick if she gets the wrong thing, like a little piece of jalapeño or pepperoni. She doesn't know the difference between good food or bad food for her, so we tell her "NO!" when she goes for the bad kind. At that point its up to her if she's going to trust us or give into the temptation to ignore us and go for the crusty bread she longs for. Usually, she goes for the bread.

I'm tempted to feed myself on the wrong things too. The world around me tells me messages every day about what is true, valuable and worthwhile. The world says, "Your happiness is all that matters." I see the portrayed in tv shows, the movies, on the internet, the news, political policies, and our culture as a whole. Lots of the messages I hear are easy to dismiss, but others can creep into my mind and convince me of lies without me perceiving it. Lies like, "You're wardrobe isn't good enough- you need new, nicer clothes. You don't want to look like an old lady do you?", or "Why on earth have you chosen to only have 1 car?! Who can live with only 1 car!", or "Why would you want to go into the ministry? You'll never make much money and you'll never be able to change people." If I neglect to read my Bible, it can be easy to think these lies are fact instead of what they are. When screen everything I see, hear, or read through the truths of the Bible, when these lies creep into my head, its so much easier to recall the truth and refuse to let the lies linger in my mind. If I dwell on lies, I'll start to believe them and act on them. If I dwell on Scripture, I'll believe it and act on it. I'm not saying its wrong to watch TV or to put our fingers in our ears and ignore the world around us. If we do that, we'll never be able to reach those who don't yet believe in Jesus with His message. I believe our primary "food" should come from the Word of God, so when worldly lies inevidably come across our minds, we'll be prepared to fight them off.

Virginia may not know what food is good and bad for her, but I do know what's good and bad for me to ingest. My prayer is that God would bring truth to my mind when lies creep up, and help me to make reading the Bible a top priority in my life.

Real Love

Gimli is not a particularly cuddly dog, and Virginia clearly favors Paul, so when the dogs actually snuggle up to me, it's a big deal. I'm obviously a good bit bigger and stronger than both of these dogs, so I could grab them and force them to snuggle with me, which I admit I sometimes do. Sometimes Paul will command them to "go get Mommy", and they will run over and give me a little kiss. But there is no comparing the feeling that comes from snuggling with a dog who has been cooerced one way or another into it and when they walk up to me on their own accord and curl up next to me, especially when they could have chosen to cuddle up to Paul. When they choose to be affectionate with me, I feel so wanted, treasured and loved. When they cuddle with me because they are forced to or commanded to, I can appreciate their obedience, but don't feel especially loved. I adore my pups and so desire for them to know that I love them and for them to love me in return. So there's really no beating the feeling of them expressing affection for me.

I believe God loves me perfectly, and has a great desire for me to understand how much He loves me and love Him in return. I know this is true because the Bible says in Romans, "But God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And also in 1 John: "We love because He first loved us." The love of God demonstrated through the gift of salvation from our sin through Jesus' sacrificial death on our behalf is absolutely amazing and undeniable. His power and ability to be trusted in all circumstances is demonstrated by His resurrection from the dead. Nothing is impossible for Him, so we have every reason in the world to put our full trust in Him because of this love and power. He loves us perfectly and has the power to do whatever is necessary for our good, and knows exactly what that is. My prayer is that God would continue to change my heart to want what He wants, to seek Him out, and not just obey Him out of duty, but out of genuine affection for the One who has lavished love on me so generously.

Insecurity

Gimli is beastly and a heavyweight, but Virginia is quick and agile. They both love to be chased, and often will entice each other to play by teasing them with a toy. Even though Gimli could take Virginia in a fight any day, with her speed, she can easily take the toy from Gimli and keep it away from him. Because Gimli likes to be in control, he likes to be the chasee-not the chaser. Quickly after losing a toy to Virginia in this game, he loses confidence that he can get it back, gives up and pouts. We try to encourage him to keep chasing her and try to get it back, but he won't be coerced. He doesn't think he can, so he doesn't even try.

This kind of insecurity plagues me in my life. I am so fearful of rejection, failure and difficulty that I often avoid even trying new things or endure the time and endurance it takes to improve on a skill. I used to take ballet, and my instructor once told me, "Make big mistakes. I'd rather you fall on your face because you tried with all your might, than to never give it your all and never make a mistake. You'll never be a great dancer if you dance safely." That stuck with me, and I've always wanted to have that kind of courage and confidence in myself, and not be afraid of looking silly to other people.

I believe the best and most secure way to obtain this level of confidence is to understand the love God has for us. His love for us is not based on our performance. He loves us because He loves us, no if's and's or but's. Even when we fail, that love is not hindered or changed in any way. When our confidence is based on His opinion of us, rather than the fickle opinions of others, we will feel free to take leaps of faith and follow God to do crazy things, knowing He will enable us to do them, or if we do fail, He has something to teach us through that.

I have 2 friends who has done this. They felt God's leading to start a non-profit ministry to professional women in downtown Dallas. So they took a huge leap of faith to try something crazy to follow God, and now 2 years after Polish began, have grown to almost 100 women attending their events. This is a situation that if God didn't show up, they would truly look foolish. They had faith that He would show up, and He did. The ministry is thriving, people are coming to know Jesus and being renewed in their faith, and now they are even reaching out to help African women. God has done all of this, but He wouldn't have without my friends saying "Yes" to a crazy calling from a crazy God who can do anything He wants with anyone He wants.

I don't know if Gimli will ever grow in his confidence to compete with Virginia's agility, but I hope I don't live in fear in my life and settle for an average life doing human-sized things. I want to do God-sized things for God and through God.

Forgetting the Past

Dogs are notorious for having a 5 minute memory. This has got to be the reason they are known as "man's best friend", and love us so unconditionally. They just can't remember all the mistakes we've made as dog owners!

In past posts, I've talked about how much Gimli does not like having his beard brushed. After we're done with the unpleasant task, he runs to his crate to hide and pout because he's mad. But without fail, a few minutes later, he comes out of his crate and snuggles up to us. He's over it and he doesn't hold a grudge.

I absolutely love this quality about dogs! How freeing it is to know that my sweet pups will always forgive me when I make a mistake! This is how God is with our sin. He doesn't remember it once it is forgiven. This isn't because He has a 5 minute memory like dogs, but because He chooses not to because the sin has been paid for by Jesus. When He forgives us, it is complete forgiveness. Often when I "forgive" people, bitterness or anger can still creep up when I think back on the offense. God doesn't do this about our sin at all. I have spent so much time fretting over my own past sin, just feeling ill about it, and the truth is that I'm the only one worrying about it because God forgave it long ago. The enemy will use this to make me fearful to approach God and seek Him out, but this is a lie. I have nothing to be afraid of. He isn't holding past sins against me. They are as far as the east is from the west- never to be seen again.

What an absolutely marvelous truth! The way dogs illustrate total forgiveness makes them so comforting to be around. God's forgiveness is even more perfect, so we should run to Him with our concerns and needs, knowing that once we have received His gift of total forgiveness of sin through Jesus, He will never meet us with anything but love and acceptance.