Fighting God

We give Gimli and Virginia hair cuts at home to save money. We have perfected our method and gotten our time down to less than 2 hours for both dogs including a bath. They look pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Virginia, being the compliant and sweet dog she is, is easy to trim. Though she hates getting a hair cut, she lets us move her head and body around as we need to, and waits patiently for us to finish the job. Gimli, on the other hand, is a giant pain in the rear to cut. He fights us the entire time. When we are shaving his tail, he sit down. When we are cutting his ears, he recoils his head, trying to get as far from the clippers as possible. I have to force him to get in the positions we need him to be in. Once we're done, we can tell he knows he looks good and likes being cooler and being able to see. He forgets about that in between cuts, so every cut is like pulling teeth.

As I was fighting with Gimli to get him to let us cut his hair, I thought about all the times I have prayed and asked God to get rid of sin in my life and make me more like Him, and when He starts working in my life, I fight against Him tooth and nail. I know I need to change, but the process of being changed is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and often painful. I want the result, but I don't want to experience what it takes to get there. I can only imagine how frustrated I make God by fighting His leading at every turn, when He has a wonderful place to take me that He knows is the best for me. I want to be trusting of God's leading, like Virginia is of us when we are trimming her: even when I hate it, that I would trust that God knows what He is doing, won't cause me harm, and that what He's working on is worth my temporary discomfort.

In the end, Gimli and Virginia both got hair cuts. His fighting against us didn't make his cut easier or shorter, or get him out of it. In fact, had he just quit fighting us, it would have been faster and less uncomfortable for him. We are stronger than him, and love him enough to not let his hair grow wild until he's full of knots and can't see through his eyebrows. In the same way, God is going to accomplish His purposes with or without our compliance. Fighting against Him is useless and a waste of energy. Fighting against the almighty God of the universe is exhausting! I am praying that I will quit fighting God when His plans are different than what I want, and learn to let Him have the control of my life He deserves and desires as my loving Father.

Growing Pains

Virginia won't jump up on the bed. Not can't- she won't.  She has the physical ability to do it. She's even done it before lots of times when she gets all wound up chasing after Gimli. But most of the time, she just doesn't think she can do it. She looks up at us with her sweet, pitiful face and begs us to bail her out and just pick her up. She whimpers and cries, scratches the side of the bed, tugging on my heart strings, her little puppy dog eyes calling to me: "Mommy, pleeeeese pick me up! I need help! I can't do it!" Being the softy I am, this breaks my heart. But she is not a puppy. She is a 2 year old dog who needs to act like a dog and not a puppy. Am I going to pick her up forever? I can't do that for the rest of her life. She needs to learn to jump up herself. So we decided not to help her anymore. If she wants to get on the bed bad enough, she'll learn to take a risk and jump. I'm not going to lie and say this is not hard for me. But it's the best thing for her, so I tell my heart to chill out, and leave her on the floor.

I often pray to God like this. I cry out to him to eliminate my pain, fix my problem immediately, and get mad when He doesn't. I just want the easy way out, but God has something greater for me. God knows that my pain is temporary, but my soul & my relationship with Him is forever. He is in the business of making me holy, more like Him, more trusting of Him, more dependent on Him. I hate it, but sometimes the only way I can learn is for God to withhold what I want so that I can receive that which is so much better: a trusting and loving relationship with Him; seeing His perspective on life, the world, myself, Himself; experiences that God will use in the future for me to be able to encourage others. The process of growing is uncomfortable, painful, and often awkward, but we must go through it to receive these greater rewards.

Our strategy is working. Virginia has started jumping up on the bed by herself more. She still doubts herself sometimes, but she's growing in this area more every day.  I know she doesn't like being told "no", but in the end, it will be worth it when she conquers this challenge. I don't like it when God tells me "no" or "wait" either. But I am so thankful that God is committed to me growing even when I'm not.

The Unknown Future

Last week, we had the chance to house/dog-sit for some of our very good friends who also have 2 miniature schnauzers. They also have a house and a yard, and every time our dogs get to go over there, they have an absolute blast! They love to run and play in the yard with their buddies! A few days before we went to the house for a week, we told the dogs, "You don't even know how much fun you are about to have!" They of course didn't understand us, or know what was in store for them until we had pulled into the driveway and they saw their home away from home!

As I thought about how excited we were for the dogs, knowing what fun they would have for a week, and how much fun it would be for us to watch them have fun, I thought about how God is a lot like that with us. He knows what is in store for us, knows that we cannot understand it, and can't wait to give us the blessing He has been preparing for us for a long time. Paul graduates from seminary very soon, and I often find myself wondering anxiously about where we will end up, what job he will get, and what our life will look like in 7 months when he is done with school. I envision God watching me wonder and thinking, "You don't even know the blessing I have in store for you!" He's like a dad on Christmas Eve, preparing His child's gifts, anxiously waiting for the moment when He can unveil it to them. And like Gimli and Virginia, we won't know what that blessing is until it's here. So sitting around wondering, fretting, and trying to wrap my mind around something that I cannot comprehend is a waste of time, because God's already got it figured out and will reveal it to me at just the right time, which is not today.

I'm praying that I can sit back and enjoy the blessings God has for me today, and not waste time and energy worrying about things that I can't control in the future.

"Do I Matter to You?"

Gimli is trying to oust Virginia from
 the spot closest to Paul

Gimli loves to hang out in his crate, and will often just sit in there while the rest of us are hanging out in the living room. He is totally content nestled in his dark crate, curled up in the warm blankets- that is until he suspects that Virginia is getting attention from us. I don't know how he knows, but somehow he can sense when Virginia is getting a tummy rub or is snuggling up to us. Though he was previously content in his dark, soft crate, when attention is being dolled out, he has to be on the receiving end. He will push Virginia out of the way, step on her, whatever he needs to do to steal all the attention for himself.

Though I've learned how to control my behavior to not actually push people out of my way, I can often still have this very same attitude about others' successes.  Do I rejoice with my friends when they receive a blessing even if I haven't? Even if I've been praying for that same blessing and have yet to receive it? Even if I know I will never receive that very same blessing? More often, when others receive a blessing I want, I turn in bitterness and anger to God, asking, "Why did you give that to her? Why not me?! It's not FAIR God!!"  The truth behind this reaction is not so much about the other person's blessing, but about my apparent lack of blessing. My heart is crying out to God asking, "Do you see me? Do you hear my cries? Do I matter to You?"

The truth is that God does hear us, and He cares more than we can imagine. So often it doesn't feel like that, but that is the truth, no matter what the circumstance may be. He may not answer the way we would like, but whatever He chooses is always the best. When we believe God is for us, that He loves us and is at work in our lives, we can more easily rejoice with our friends when they experience times of blessing, even in our times of waiting and longing. We will all experience seasons of blessing and seasons of painful longing. Whichever season we are in, we need our brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside us and go through it together. I am praying that I would be a catalyst for worship to those God has placed in my life, and that He would provide those relationships for me as well, so we can all worship God together in every season of life.

Lamentations 3:55-58: But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help! Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” Lord, you are my lawyer! Plead my case! For you have redeemed my life.

What's the Real Prize?

Gimli and Virginia have mastered the art of manipulation. They are true professionals. When they want something, they know just how to tug on our heart strings to better their chances of getting what they want. This comes out the most when they want some people food. When we are eating on the couch, they will come up right next to us, lay their little heads on our laps and look up at us with these big, sweet puppy dog eyes and wait. It's so hard to resist because they are just so sweet! But the second we finish eating and put our plates down, they jump up and leave. That's how I know they don't really want to cuddle with me- they want me to give them some food.

On Sunday, our pastor preached on a passage in Exodus 33 about the Israelites and Moses when they were in the wilderness. God had made a promise to the Israelites that He would give them the land of Canaan, but He was frustrated with them for their sinful, ungrateful and stubborn hearts and basically tells them, "I'll give you the land as I promised, but my presence won't go there with you." God tells them, "I'll give you your dream, but you won't have Me." Our pastor asked us, "What if God gave you a winning lottery ticket and said, 'Take it, but you won't have My presence with you.' Would you take it?" The truth is that often I would rather have God give me what I want than to be in His presence and have what He wants for me. All too often, I beg at God's feet like Gimli & Virginia beg at ours- with a primary desire for the gift, not the Giver. But unlike me, God doesn't fall for the act. He knows exactly what is going on in our hearts even more so than we do. My pastor has said several times at church that "Our hearts are idol factories." Our hearts are bent towards worshiping an earthly thing rather than the Creator of all things because of our sin nature.  I want to want God more than anything, but far too often, I'm more interested in what He can do for me than His presence.

Moses told God, "Let us wander in the wilderness and die here if your presence won't go with us to the promised land." He knew the true prize was God's presence, not the land. My prayer is that as I spend time with God daily, that He would show me more of His goodness, character, glory and love for me, and that my heart would be completely transformed by His presence.