Fighting God

We give Gimli and Virginia hair cuts at home to save money. We have perfected our method and gotten our time down to less than 2 hours for both dogs including a bath. They look pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Virginia, being the compliant and sweet dog she is, is easy to trim. Though she hates getting a hair cut, she lets us move her head and body around as we need to, and waits patiently for us to finish the job. Gimli, on the other hand, is a giant pain in the rear to cut. He fights us the entire time. When we are shaving his tail, he sit down. When we are cutting his ears, he recoils his head, trying to get as far from the clippers as possible. I have to force him to get in the positions we need him to be in. Once we're done, we can tell he knows he looks good and likes being cooler and being able to see. He forgets about that in between cuts, so every cut is like pulling teeth.

As I was fighting with Gimli to get him to let us cut his hair, I thought about all the times I have prayed and asked God to get rid of sin in my life and make me more like Him, and when He starts working in my life, I fight against Him tooth and nail. I know I need to change, but the process of being changed is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and often painful. I want the result, but I don't want to experience what it takes to get there. I can only imagine how frustrated I make God by fighting His leading at every turn, when He has a wonderful place to take me that He knows is the best for me. I want to be trusting of God's leading, like Virginia is of us when we are trimming her: even when I hate it, that I would trust that God knows what He is doing, won't cause me harm, and that what He's working on is worth my temporary discomfort.

In the end, Gimli and Virginia both got hair cuts. His fighting against us didn't make his cut easier or shorter, or get him out of it. In fact, had he just quit fighting us, it would have been faster and less uncomfortable for him. We are stronger than him, and love him enough to not let his hair grow wild until he's full of knots and can't see through his eyebrows. In the same way, God is going to accomplish His purposes with or without our compliance. Fighting against Him is useless and a waste of energy. Fighting against the almighty God of the universe is exhausting! I am praying that I will quit fighting God when His plans are different than what I want, and learn to let Him have the control of my life He deserves and desires as my loving Father.

Growing Pains

Virginia won't jump up on the bed. Not can't- she won't.  She has the physical ability to do it. She's even done it before lots of times when she gets all wound up chasing after Gimli. But most of the time, she just doesn't think she can do it. She looks up at us with her sweet, pitiful face and begs us to bail her out and just pick her up. She whimpers and cries, scratches the side of the bed, tugging on my heart strings, her little puppy dog eyes calling to me: "Mommy, pleeeeese pick me up! I need help! I can't do it!" Being the softy I am, this breaks my heart. But she is not a puppy. She is a 2 year old dog who needs to act like a dog and not a puppy. Am I going to pick her up forever? I can't do that for the rest of her life. She needs to learn to jump up herself. So we decided not to help her anymore. If she wants to get on the bed bad enough, she'll learn to take a risk and jump. I'm not going to lie and say this is not hard for me. But it's the best thing for her, so I tell my heart to chill out, and leave her on the floor.

I often pray to God like this. I cry out to him to eliminate my pain, fix my problem immediately, and get mad when He doesn't. I just want the easy way out, but God has something greater for me. God knows that my pain is temporary, but my soul & my relationship with Him is forever. He is in the business of making me holy, more like Him, more trusting of Him, more dependent on Him. I hate it, but sometimes the only way I can learn is for God to withhold what I want so that I can receive that which is so much better: a trusting and loving relationship with Him; seeing His perspective on life, the world, myself, Himself; experiences that God will use in the future for me to be able to encourage others. The process of growing is uncomfortable, painful, and often awkward, but we must go through it to receive these greater rewards.

Our strategy is working. Virginia has started jumping up on the bed by herself more. She still doubts herself sometimes, but she's growing in this area more every day.  I know she doesn't like being told "no", but in the end, it will be worth it when she conquers this challenge. I don't like it when God tells me "no" or "wait" either. But I am so thankful that God is committed to me growing even when I'm not.

The Unknown Future

Last week, we had the chance to house/dog-sit for some of our very good friends who also have 2 miniature schnauzers. They also have a house and a yard, and every time our dogs get to go over there, they have an absolute blast! They love to run and play in the yard with their buddies! A few days before we went to the house for a week, we told the dogs, "You don't even know how much fun you are about to have!" They of course didn't understand us, or know what was in store for them until we had pulled into the driveway and they saw their home away from home!

As I thought about how excited we were for the dogs, knowing what fun they would have for a week, and how much fun it would be for us to watch them have fun, I thought about how God is a lot like that with us. He knows what is in store for us, knows that we cannot understand it, and can't wait to give us the blessing He has been preparing for us for a long time. Paul graduates from seminary very soon, and I often find myself wondering anxiously about where we will end up, what job he will get, and what our life will look like in 7 months when he is done with school. I envision God watching me wonder and thinking, "You don't even know the blessing I have in store for you!" He's like a dad on Christmas Eve, preparing His child's gifts, anxiously waiting for the moment when He can unveil it to them. And like Gimli and Virginia, we won't know what that blessing is until it's here. So sitting around wondering, fretting, and trying to wrap my mind around something that I cannot comprehend is a waste of time, because God's already got it figured out and will reveal it to me at just the right time, which is not today.

I'm praying that I can sit back and enjoy the blessings God has for me today, and not waste time and energy worrying about things that I can't control in the future.

Running ahead

Paul walks both dogs most of the time, but when I help walk them, I walk Virginia. For Virginia, walking outside is the most exciting time of the day! She loves to smell all the smells, see what people are out and about, maybe even run into a new furry friend! She gets herself all worked up and just cannot wait to get out there! So she pulls on her leash the entire walk outside. No matter how many times I correct her, pop her on the nose, scold her, keep her leash short, or tug the leash, she will not be distracted from the excitement that lies ahead. She needs to learn to follow me, walk with me and obey me, but she is just too excited about the world around her to focus on me as she should.

As I walked her tonight and got frustrated by her constant pulling, I thought about how I do this to God all the time. God wants me to focus on Him, to move through life at His pace, enjoy the walk alongside Him, but all I want to do is get to the next step. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be a teenager. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for college. When I was in college, I couldn't wait to graduate and be on my own. When I was single, I couldn't wait to get married. Now we are getting Paul through seminary, and I can't wait for him to graduate & get a job as a minister. I know God has amazing experiences, relationships, and gifts to give me during this time, but I just want to move on to the next thing.

I believe this is because I am putting my hope in my circumstances instead of in the Lord. I am hoping that when I get to that next life stage that all the frustrations of my life will disappear and I'll be so much happier. I run through the "if only..." scenarios in my mind constantly. The truth is that no matter what the circumstance of my life are, I will only be truly fulfilled and satisfied in life when I am putting my hope in Christ. He is the only thing in my life that is unchanging and perfectly loving and able to meet all of my needs. Everything else, even the people I cherish the most, are temporal and limited. To put all of my hope, identity, joy, and value in things like possessions, relationships with people, job success, will inevitably lead me to disappointment and leave me unfulfilled.

I haven't figured out how to snap Virginia out of her obsessive leash pulling ways and trust me to lead her while we walk, but I am so thankful that God does, and is patiently helping me learn to trust Him to lead me as we walk through the days of my life together.