Fighting God

We give Gimli and Virginia hair cuts at home to save money. We have perfected our method and gotten our time down to less than 2 hours for both dogs including a bath. They look pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Virginia, being the compliant and sweet dog she is, is easy to trim. Though she hates getting a hair cut, she lets us move her head and body around as we need to, and waits patiently for us to finish the job. Gimli, on the other hand, is a giant pain in the rear to cut. He fights us the entire time. When we are shaving his tail, he sit down. When we are cutting his ears, he recoils his head, trying to get as far from the clippers as possible. I have to force him to get in the positions we need him to be in. Once we're done, we can tell he knows he looks good and likes being cooler and being able to see. He forgets about that in between cuts, so every cut is like pulling teeth.

As I was fighting with Gimli to get him to let us cut his hair, I thought about all the times I have prayed and asked God to get rid of sin in my life and make me more like Him, and when He starts working in my life, I fight against Him tooth and nail. I know I need to change, but the process of being changed is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and often painful. I want the result, but I don't want to experience what it takes to get there. I can only imagine how frustrated I make God by fighting His leading at every turn, when He has a wonderful place to take me that He knows is the best for me. I want to be trusting of God's leading, like Virginia is of us when we are trimming her: even when I hate it, that I would trust that God knows what He is doing, won't cause me harm, and that what He's working on is worth my temporary discomfort.

In the end, Gimli and Virginia both got hair cuts. His fighting against us didn't make his cut easier or shorter, or get him out of it. In fact, had he just quit fighting us, it would have been faster and less uncomfortable for him. We are stronger than him, and love him enough to not let his hair grow wild until he's full of knots and can't see through his eyebrows. In the same way, God is going to accomplish His purposes with or without our compliance. Fighting against Him is useless and a waste of energy. Fighting against the almighty God of the universe is exhausting! I am praying that I will quit fighting God when His plans are different than what I want, and learn to let Him have the control of my life He deserves and desires as my loving Father.

Growing Pains

Virginia won't jump up on the bed. Not can't- she won't.  She has the physical ability to do it. She's even done it before lots of times when she gets all wound up chasing after Gimli. But most of the time, she just doesn't think she can do it. She looks up at us with her sweet, pitiful face and begs us to bail her out and just pick her up. She whimpers and cries, scratches the side of the bed, tugging on my heart strings, her little puppy dog eyes calling to me: "Mommy, pleeeeese pick me up! I need help! I can't do it!" Being the softy I am, this breaks my heart. But she is not a puppy. She is a 2 year old dog who needs to act like a dog and not a puppy. Am I going to pick her up forever? I can't do that for the rest of her life. She needs to learn to jump up herself. So we decided not to help her anymore. If she wants to get on the bed bad enough, she'll learn to take a risk and jump. I'm not going to lie and say this is not hard for me. But it's the best thing for her, so I tell my heart to chill out, and leave her on the floor.

I often pray to God like this. I cry out to him to eliminate my pain, fix my problem immediately, and get mad when He doesn't. I just want the easy way out, but God has something greater for me. God knows that my pain is temporary, but my soul & my relationship with Him is forever. He is in the business of making me holy, more like Him, more trusting of Him, more dependent on Him. I hate it, but sometimes the only way I can learn is for God to withhold what I want so that I can receive that which is so much better: a trusting and loving relationship with Him; seeing His perspective on life, the world, myself, Himself; experiences that God will use in the future for me to be able to encourage others. The process of growing is uncomfortable, painful, and often awkward, but we must go through it to receive these greater rewards.

Our strategy is working. Virginia has started jumping up on the bed by herself more. She still doubts herself sometimes, but she's growing in this area more every day.  I know she doesn't like being told "no", but in the end, it will be worth it when she conquers this challenge. I don't like it when God tells me "no" or "wait" either. But I am so thankful that God is committed to me growing even when I'm not.

Trying to Help

Gimli and Virginia love being the center of our attention. As you can probably imagine, we cannot give them our undivided attention every moment of the day like they would prefer. Sometimes, they decide to force us to give them attention in not-so-subtle ways.  We like to call this "helping". Just yesterday, Gimli decided to "help" Paul take apart some shelves by jumping into his lap, making it very difficult for Paul to get the job done. He does the same thing to me when I'm trying to dust or clean counter tops. He thinks I'm playing with him, so he chases me around trying to steal my rags. Though his intentions are good in wanting to engage with us in what we're doing, the last thing he is being is helpful. Really, he's just getting in the way and making it impossible for us to do the job we need to do. Of course, he doesn't care about clean counters, and probably doesn't even realize that's what I'm trying to do, or why that needs to happen. 

I tend to want to "help" God do His job also. I think I know what the problem is, what needs to happen, and what will work best. In reality, I'm about as helpful as Gimli sitting in Paul's lap while he's working on the shelves. I have no idea what God is doing, or why or how. What on earth can I do to help the almighty God who knows everything that's going on in the world past, present & future & is in full control of everything in the universe? Somehow I think He must have missed something that I picked up on, and He needs my help to fix the problems of the world, or at least my world, which is the most important thing, right?

People have been trying to help God forever. Abraham and Sarah decided to help God fulfill His promise to them that they would have a son & be the father of a great nation by having Abraham have a illegitimate child with their maidservant. As a result, Abraham and Sarah's marriage suffered, Sarah's relationship with her servant suffered, along with many other severe consequences from this decision to be disobedient and "help". Rebekah knew that God had promised her son, Jacob, the blessing from his father, she manipulated circumstances so he would get it by deceiving his brother, Esau. The result of this decision was a complete fall out between these brothers and they lived as enemies for years. Had she not intervened, God may have given Jacob this blessing in a way that didn't destroy his relationship with Esau. When we try to "help" God, we are rebelling against Him. He doesn't need or want our help- he wants our complete obedience to His commands and surrender to His will, whether we understand it or not. 

When Gimli tries to help us, he just gets in the way. If we really want to help God, we will obey His commands without reservation or hesitation. I'm praying that I will get out of the way and let God be God, and me be His faithful servant. 

Rest

The majority of the pictures we take of our dogs are of them sleeping! They look so sweet when they cuddle up together and fall asleep! They need a lot of rest and take a lot of naps during the day. Their little bodies are just not strong enough to stay active all day long.

Our bodies aren't strong either. We are asleep for 1/3 of our lives! In order to continue to live, we must stop and be completely still and mentally unengaged for 8 hours every day. Compared to God, we are so weak. God is completely in control and in full knowledge of everything going on in the world all the time, and He never has to rest. He is so very big, strong, great and mighty. We are so small, weak and insignificant. But He loves us each so very much, and cares about each individual person that He creates, and all the little details of each of our lives. How very trustworthy He is to meet all of our needs. There's nothing He can't handle. In that case, I think I'll go take a nap!

This can't be comfortable

He thinks he's a person

Responding to Difficulty

This is a picture of Gimli cuddling with our friend Jeremy. They are our dog sitters any time we go out of town and can't take them with us. They have two schnauzers also and a big back yard, so going to their house is like doggie summer camp! As you can tell, Gimli is really missing us right now... yeah, right! Of course, when we came back, he was so excited to see us, but at this moment, he is content being a part of the new family pack. When we first dropped him off, he was nervous and unsettled. We try to sneak out without him noticing so he won't freak out at our departure. Usually it takes him a few days to warm up at his temporary home, but as you can see, by this point, he's accepted the situation and is content. 

Gimli was not in control of the decision for him to spend a week at our friends' house while we were out of town, but we, his care givers, were, and made that choice because it was in his best interest. God has been challenging me a lot recently with being faithful and giving my very best with whatever I am entrusted with. Sometimes, the things God has entrusted me with are not what I want to be doing. Many of the responsibilities in my life are not fun, exciting, spiritual, or easy. But that is irrelevant to how I am called to respond. What matters is that I've been entrusted with a responsibility by the God of the Universe and my personal Savior, and out of love, obedience and trust in Him, I must follow through to the best of my ability. A lot of life we can control, and we must accept responsibility for those choices, commitments & consequences. But sometimes, we must accept circumstances that are beyond our control also. In circumstances where we are not in control, the situation is not what we would have chosen, and we suffer consequences as a result, it can be so difficult to remember that though we were not in control, God was, and chose to put us in that situation for a reason.

I am often tempted to think that because a circumstance was not of my choosing that I have a free pass to be bitter, complaining, and disobedient. Or because a person treats me unfairly or disrespectfully, that I am allowed to respond to them with disrespect as well because "they did it to me first and they deserve it." Things will never go exactly how I'd like for them to, and I won't be treated kindly by everyone. That's just life. We can't control every situation or person, but we can control how we respond to them. God is honored when we respond to difficult situations with a positive attitude and seek to bring Him glory with our response. It is not pleasing to Him when we respond with ingratitude, unkindness and selfishness.

We may not get to choose every circumstance we find ourselves in, and every person we must interact with, but we can trust that the One who is in control will provide for us what we need to navigate through these challenges if we will rely on Him.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." -Colossians 3:23


"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

Following the Call

Gimli mid-bark

Our neighbor stopped by the other day to borrow an iron. Being the fierce watchdog that Gimli is, he went nuts. He barked and barked, and wanted to storm out the door the second he could to greet the unknown visitor. We are trying to reclaim the door as our territory, so we've been commanding Gimli to go to his crate when he starts going berserk at the door. So, following along with this plan, Paul commands Gimli, "Go to your crate!". Gimli whines and reluctantly runs to his crate. Two seconds later, he's back. He can't help himself- he must know who it is that is at our door! He runs back to the door from the crate, to which Paul responds, "Gimli- go to your crate!" Letting us know his disapproval of this command, he whines all the way back to his crate, and guess what- 2 seconds later- back at the door! This pattern repeats 5 or 6 times before we could actually open the door for our neighbor.

Gimli had difficulty submitting to Paul's command because he had something different in mind for himself in this situation. He didn't like the command Paul gave him, so he struggled to obey. We could tell he wanted to obey out of loyalty to Paul, but the situation seemed more important than obedience. It wasn't of course, which we knew because we could see who was behind the door through the peep hole. Gimli had no idea who was there, and couldn't know because he is just too short to look through the peephole. But we're not. We are trying to train him to trust us to handle the unknown. I can relate to Gimli, because I often have trouble accepting God's call on my life if I want something different. Even when the calling God has given me is abundantly clear, I often struggle to obey because- well, I just don't like it. I go back and forth with Him, asking a zillion questions like,

 "Are you sure this is what I'm supposed to be doing? Are you sure you want me here? Are you sure I'm not going to look like an idiot if I do this? Wouldn't we all be happier if I were doing this other thing? See, look at all the advantages of me doing this other thing! No?... You just want me to keep doing what you've already told me to? For how long? (no answer)  I' guess that means indefinitely... But are you SURE God???" 

The truth I must accept is that in every phase of my life, there will be something I want to be different about my life. Life will never look exactly how I desire it to. That's the problem with living in a fallen world in a sinful body. But honestly, it really shouldn't because I don't know what's best for me, or what's lurking behind doors I can't see behind. I have to learn to accept the call God has given me for today, and obey Him because He is trustworthy & sees the big picture of my life and the whole universe. I don't think He minds, though, when I ask a zillion questions. Obedience is a process, and one we must engage with God to learn, so I think asking questions is good, as long as I can accept His answers even if it's not what I want to hear.

I believe God's got a plan to teach me to trust and obey Him, just like we've got a plan to teach Gimli not to go berserk over every knock on the door. Both plans involve commands requiring immediate and thorough obedience. I hope Gimli and I both learn quick!

Fear of the Unknown

Gimli does not like uncertainty. He likes to know exactly what is going to happen throughout the day. He likes routine, to be in familiar environments and does not like change. He notices patterns and can usually predict what is going to happen based on our behavior. It's really amazing actually. When things don't go as he plans, he gets very anxious and out of sorts. When I leave for work in the morning, he's fine. But if I go to the store in the middle of the day on Saturday or Sunday, he cries and howls, and hovers by the door until I get home. This is not on his agenda, and he does not like it. The times we have moved, it has taken him several weeks before feeling comfortable in our new place. He will cry when we leave, which is uncharacteristic. He is unsure about where he is, so he doesn't want to be left without us.

I don't like uncertain situations either. I don't like that in a year Paul will graduate from seminary and we have no idea where he'll get a job, what kind of church it will be, what role it will be- there are so many options, it can be overwhelming to think about. I don't like that when Paul and I are out of the house, we don't know what's going on in our apartment. After being robbed, I have a lot of fear about leaving the dogs in our apartment. It's scary to not be in control.

The truth is, we're never in control. God is always in control. The fear and anxiety we feel on a daily basis due to not being in control is an utter waste. As Jesus said in Matthew, "How many of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?" None of us can. None of us can know the future, no matter how hard we try to predict it or guess at it. Sometimes I go online to pastor job website and look at what kinds of openings there are right now. I know it is a complete waste of time to do this, because Paul still has a whole year before he graduates, and those jobs will be filled by that time. It's pointless, but i'm tempted to do it anyway because I want to guess at the future to make myself feel better about not knowing. What I should do instead is focus on what God has called me to for today, and not waste time and energy thinking and worrying about the future. The same God who created the universe & knows everything that will happen for the rest of eternity, is the same God who created me, knows me perfectly, and offers to lead me through each step of my life. He has all the knowledge, all the power, and perfect love for me. He is entirely trustworthy. What could I do about my own life that would ever come close to what He could do?

I don't want Gimli to be anxious and worry about where I am. I want him to trust that I'm okay and will come back home very soon. God doesn't want me to worry either. My prayer is that as I continue to grow closer to the Lord by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, that I'll focus on worship rather than worry.

Feeding on the Wrong Things

I've mentioned before that Virginia is a living vacuum cleaner. She will eat anything. When I'm cleaning the kitchen, she will wait by my feet for the crumbs to fall to the ground off the counter so she can eat every little morsel. It's hard for me to understand why she would want to eat day old bread crumbs and dried cheese, but she can't get enough of it. I swear we feed her plenty of dog food! She does not need this extra food, it has no nutritional value, and has the potential to make her sick if she gets the wrong thing, like a little piece of jalapeño or pepperoni. She doesn't know the difference between good food or bad food for her, so we tell her "NO!" when she goes for the bad kind. At that point its up to her if she's going to trust us or give into the temptation to ignore us and go for the crusty bread she longs for. Usually, she goes for the bread.

I'm tempted to feed myself on the wrong things too. The world around me tells me messages every day about what is true, valuable and worthwhile. The world says, "Your happiness is all that matters." I see the portrayed in tv shows, the movies, on the internet, the news, political policies, and our culture as a whole. Lots of the messages I hear are easy to dismiss, but others can creep into my mind and convince me of lies without me perceiving it. Lies like, "You're wardrobe isn't good enough- you need new, nicer clothes. You don't want to look like an old lady do you?", or "Why on earth have you chosen to only have 1 car?! Who can live with only 1 car!", or "Why would you want to go into the ministry? You'll never make much money and you'll never be able to change people." If I neglect to read my Bible, it can be easy to think these lies are fact instead of what they are. When screen everything I see, hear, or read through the truths of the Bible, when these lies creep into my head, its so much easier to recall the truth and refuse to let the lies linger in my mind. If I dwell on lies, I'll start to believe them and act on them. If I dwell on Scripture, I'll believe it and act on it. I'm not saying its wrong to watch TV or to put our fingers in our ears and ignore the world around us. If we do that, we'll never be able to reach those who don't yet believe in Jesus with His message. I believe our primary "food" should come from the Word of God, so when worldly lies inevidably come across our minds, we'll be prepared to fight them off.

Virginia may not know what food is good and bad for her, but I do know what's good and bad for me to ingest. My prayer is that God would bring truth to my mind when lies creep up, and help me to make reading the Bible a top priority in my life.

Insecurity

Gimli is beastly and a heavyweight, but Virginia is quick and agile. They both love to be chased, and often will entice each other to play by teasing them with a toy. Even though Gimli could take Virginia in a fight any day, with her speed, she can easily take the toy from Gimli and keep it away from him. Because Gimli likes to be in control, he likes to be the chasee-not the chaser. Quickly after losing a toy to Virginia in this game, he loses confidence that he can get it back, gives up and pouts. We try to encourage him to keep chasing her and try to get it back, but he won't be coerced. He doesn't think he can, so he doesn't even try.

This kind of insecurity plagues me in my life. I am so fearful of rejection, failure and difficulty that I often avoid even trying new things or endure the time and endurance it takes to improve on a skill. I used to take ballet, and my instructor once told me, "Make big mistakes. I'd rather you fall on your face because you tried with all your might, than to never give it your all and never make a mistake. You'll never be a great dancer if you dance safely." That stuck with me, and I've always wanted to have that kind of courage and confidence in myself, and not be afraid of looking silly to other people.

I believe the best and most secure way to obtain this level of confidence is to understand the love God has for us. His love for us is not based on our performance. He loves us because He loves us, no if's and's or but's. Even when we fail, that love is not hindered or changed in any way. When our confidence is based on His opinion of us, rather than the fickle opinions of others, we will feel free to take leaps of faith and follow God to do crazy things, knowing He will enable us to do them, or if we do fail, He has something to teach us through that.

I have 2 friends who has done this. They felt God's leading to start a non-profit ministry to professional women in downtown Dallas. So they took a huge leap of faith to try something crazy to follow God, and now 2 years after Polish began, have grown to almost 100 women attending their events. This is a situation that if God didn't show up, they would truly look foolish. They had faith that He would show up, and He did. The ministry is thriving, people are coming to know Jesus and being renewed in their faith, and now they are even reaching out to help African women. God has done all of this, but He wouldn't have without my friends saying "Yes" to a crazy calling from a crazy God who can do anything He wants with anyone He wants.

I don't know if Gimli will ever grow in his confidence to compete with Virginia's agility, but I hope I don't live in fear in my life and settle for an average life doing human-sized things. I want to do God-sized things for God and through God.

Hiding from God

Please take a moment to observe the awesomeness that is Gimli's beard. It is beastly to say the least. Paul is extremely proud of this beard. Before we even got Gimli, his dream was to get a schnauzer and grow his beard long enough to braid. I must admit that I am not quite as enthused about the braiding thing, but I can appreciate the connection to Gimli's namesake, and for how manly and tough it makes my little guy look!

One of the downsides to Gimli having this crazy cool beard is that it gets knots and tangles so quickly, so we have to brush it out every few days. If you've ever had to brush tangles out of your hair, imagine having to brush tangles out of hair attached to your lips. Needless to say, Gimli does not enjoy this activity at all! But it has to happen or the knots will turn into what my mom used to call "rat's nests", or  unintentional dreadlocks of the face. Not gangsta.

After the pump fake of bribing him then holding him down and brushing out the knots, Gimli is not happy with us. He immediately will run and hide in the back of his crate and not come out for half an hour or so. He is pouting and hiding from us because he's mad at us for putting him through a painful process. He doesn't understand how necessary it is for his well being. I can relate to Gimli because whenever God takes me through a painful process, whether it be discipline, life changes, transitions, inconvenience, any sort of discomfort, I want to hide from him. I don't want to pray, read my Bible, or seek Him out in any way. I don't care about His will or plan. I just want to pout and throw myself a pity party. I know I don't see the big picture, but in those painful moments, I really don't care about that. I am so thankful that I serve a God who knows my weakness, knows my heart, knows what's best for me, and will carry me through the hard times even if I do not respond the way I should. His faithfulness does not depend on my faithfulness. If it did, I would be completely without hope.

As I see Gimli run away from us and knowing that he doesn't understand what he needs but I do, God tells me, "Just like he doesn't know what he needs but you do,  you don't know what you need, but I do.  Trust me because you know I love you even if you don't understand my ways."

Persistent Prayer

Staring Contest- You, Me, Now!

Gimli and Virginia both have a lovely little trait that I both love and hate- Stubbornness. When they get something in their heads that they want, it is very difficult to distract them from it. This leads to a behavior dogs are known for- Begging. The are begging pros! Gimli is a manipulative beggar. He pulls out all his charm when he wants something we have. When we are eating a snack, he will come up next to us and lay his head sweeetly on our laps. He does not do this normally. It is purely a trick to butter us up to give him what he wants. Virginia is not quite a subtle. She stares at us intensely, wags her tail furiously and paws at us until we give her what she wants. They may beg differently, but one thing they both do is wait expectantly with incredible patience. They don't care how long it takes- they will wait and wait and wait until you give them what they want. They don't forget, they don't stop asking. Their hope is that if they wait long enough, eventually we will give in and give them a little bite of food, or our sock to play with, or whatever it is they want.

This reminds me of the way Jesus taught the disciples how to pray in Luke 11:

 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need. So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

To be honest, it drives me nuts when the dogs beg me incessantly for stuff, but God is commanding us to do this to Him. He is not bothered by persistant prayer. He wants us to look to Him to provide for us and to ask Him for what we need. He wants us to expect Him to hear our prayers and answer us. He always does answer, just not always with a "yes", or even a "no." The worst is when the answer is "wait"! Oh, how I hate to hear "wait" from God! I am often tempted to believe prayer doesn't matter and that God doesn't answer, that He's just going to do what He wants and it doesn't matter what I pray for. The truth is that it does matter. It matters because God wants me to engage with Him, to seek Him, to seek His will, to look to Him as my provider, and to trust Him no matter what the answer is. And according to this passage, my prayers can even motivate God to act in a way He may not have without us asking. Wow! The God of the Universe hears my prayers, and even acts because of my prayers. 

So let's all be like Gimli and Virginia and pester God with our prayers, requests, needs, desires, and whatever else is on our minds, and trust Him to bless us through being nagging beggars!

Provision

She cannot take her eyes off my cereal

Virginia is absolutely obsessed with food. I have never in my life seen a dog that is done growing get so excited to eat her regular every day food. Whenever its time for her to eat, she sits at our feet, wagging her tail frantically, and will even resort to jumping and attacking us with kisses to remind us not-so-subtly that it is time for dinner! Since we are the ones who feed her everyday, she comes to attack us. She knows who provides for her needs and trusts that we will feed her when she needs it. She doesn't try to hunt while we are outside, or worry about what will happen when she's hungry again. Even though she can't see the bag of food in our closet, she knows it is there because we have fed her from it every single day. She is fully aware and at peace with the fact that she is totally dependent on us, and isn't afraid to ask for what she needs from the ones who meet her needs and care for her.

In the same way, I am totally dependent on God to meet my needs. Yet I have a hard time trusting in Him to provide for me. I worry all the time about how I will provide for my family. I worry I don't make enough money, that something will happen that we financially aren't prepared for, that we aren't saving enough, and on and on. The worries are almost endless. I frequently believe a lie that I have to provide for myself, and stress about all of the unknowns that I cannot control. God, on the other hand, is not surprised by anything, is in control of everything, has everything I need at His disposal. He is the perfect provider. I can't always see how He will provide, but He has provided for me every single day of my life, so I should be able to remember that and believe He will continue to. The truth is that He will provide for me whether I believe He will or not, and I am not my own provider even if I think I am. Therefore, I can choose to worry over things I have no control over, or choose to trust in Christ to provide for me, and live without stress and worry in my life. The only thing I can control is my own attitude. 

It wouldn't make any sense for Virginia to try to hunt for her own food when we've got a big bag of dog food waiting for her in our home. In the same way, it doesn't make any sense for me to worry about my needs being met when the God of the Universe has promised to provide for everything I need. My prayer is that the Lord would give me faith to trust in Him to provide for all of my needs every day, and not rely on my limited abilities.

Running ahead

Paul walks both dogs most of the time, but when I help walk them, I walk Virginia. For Virginia, walking outside is the most exciting time of the day! She loves to smell all the smells, see what people are out and about, maybe even run into a new furry friend! She gets herself all worked up and just cannot wait to get out there! So she pulls on her leash the entire walk outside. No matter how many times I correct her, pop her on the nose, scold her, keep her leash short, or tug the leash, she will not be distracted from the excitement that lies ahead. She needs to learn to follow me, walk with me and obey me, but she is just too excited about the world around her to focus on me as she should.

As I walked her tonight and got frustrated by her constant pulling, I thought about how I do this to God all the time. God wants me to focus on Him, to move through life at His pace, enjoy the walk alongside Him, but all I want to do is get to the next step. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be a teenager. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for college. When I was in college, I couldn't wait to graduate and be on my own. When I was single, I couldn't wait to get married. Now we are getting Paul through seminary, and I can't wait for him to graduate & get a job as a minister. I know God has amazing experiences, relationships, and gifts to give me during this time, but I just want to move on to the next thing.

I believe this is because I am putting my hope in my circumstances instead of in the Lord. I am hoping that when I get to that next life stage that all the frustrations of my life will disappear and I'll be so much happier. I run through the "if only..." scenarios in my mind constantly. The truth is that no matter what the circumstance of my life are, I will only be truly fulfilled and satisfied in life when I am putting my hope in Christ. He is the only thing in my life that is unchanging and perfectly loving and able to meet all of my needs. Everything else, even the people I cherish the most, are temporal and limited. To put all of my hope, identity, joy, and value in things like possessions, relationships with people, job success, will inevitably lead me to disappointment and leave me unfulfilled.

I haven't figured out how to snap Virginia out of her obsessive leash pulling ways and trust me to lead her while we walk, but I am so thankful that God does, and is patiently helping me learn to trust Him to lead me as we walk through the days of my life together.

Burrs and Discipline

Last week, we decided to take advantage of a perfectly beautiful day and take the dogs on a walk around a nearby park we don't often take the time to enjoy. The dogs had a blast! They ran through the grass, playing, rolling around, sniffing each other's butts- all the things dogs love to do. When we got home form our walk, the dogs started licking and biting their feet furiously. We quickly noticed that their legs were covered with little tiny burrs they had picked up in the grass. They both had hundreds of these little things, each one wound tightly around their hair and had to be picked out one at a time. Obviously it was hurting their little feet and they were anxious to be free from their prickly presence. So we each took a dog and started picking. They resisted at first, as it was clearly very painful to have their hair pulled over and over. But there was no other option. The burrs had to go, and they couldn't get them out by themselves. They needed us to do it for them. They knew this was the case, so eventually they just relaxed in our arms and let us do the job. When all the burrs were removed, Gimli even snuggled up to Paul. It was like he was saying, "Thank you Daddy for getting those nasty things off my feet!" 
I am so challenged by the way our dogs totally trust us to do what is best for them. In my life, God is constantly removing "burrs" that I picked up from the world.  I absolutely hate the process of having them removed, and so often get so irritated with God for how He works to get rid of them.  The truth is, just like Gimli and Virginia, I cannot get rid of them myself, and their presence in my life hurts me.  God, in His perfect love and wisdom, chooses to take me through the painful removal process for the greater good of not having those painful pricklies in my life anymore. I usually don't see it that way.

Inevitably, I will be be picking up "burrs" throughout my whole life, some because of sin, some just because of life. To be honest, this is so scary to me and I find myself just begging God not to let anything bad or painful happen to me. That is unrealistic, and unbiblical actually because the Bible teaches us that through suffering we become more like Christ & experience Him in an unparalleled way. My prayer is that I would become so convinced of God's love for me, His character, His goodness, and His wisdom, that, like Virginia and Gimli, would just relax and let God do His job of changing and molding me, even when it hurts.