Insecurity

Gimli is beastly and a heavyweight, but Virginia is quick and agile. They both love to be chased, and often will entice each other to play by teasing them with a toy. Even though Gimli could take Virginia in a fight any day, with her speed, she can easily take the toy from Gimli and keep it away from him. Because Gimli likes to be in control, he likes to be the chasee-not the chaser. Quickly after losing a toy to Virginia in this game, he loses confidence that he can get it back, gives up and pouts. We try to encourage him to keep chasing her and try to get it back, but he won't be coerced. He doesn't think he can, so he doesn't even try.

This kind of insecurity plagues me in my life. I am so fearful of rejection, failure and difficulty that I often avoid even trying new things or endure the time and endurance it takes to improve on a skill. I used to take ballet, and my instructor once told me, "Make big mistakes. I'd rather you fall on your face because you tried with all your might, than to never give it your all and never make a mistake. You'll never be a great dancer if you dance safely." That stuck with me, and I've always wanted to have that kind of courage and confidence in myself, and not be afraid of looking silly to other people.

I believe the best and most secure way to obtain this level of confidence is to understand the love God has for us. His love for us is not based on our performance. He loves us because He loves us, no if's and's or but's. Even when we fail, that love is not hindered or changed in any way. When our confidence is based on His opinion of us, rather than the fickle opinions of others, we will feel free to take leaps of faith and follow God to do crazy things, knowing He will enable us to do them, or if we do fail, He has something to teach us through that.

I have 2 friends who has done this. They felt God's leading to start a non-profit ministry to professional women in downtown Dallas. So they took a huge leap of faith to try something crazy to follow God, and now 2 years after Polish began, have grown to almost 100 women attending their events. This is a situation that if God didn't show up, they would truly look foolish. They had faith that He would show up, and He did. The ministry is thriving, people are coming to know Jesus and being renewed in their faith, and now they are even reaching out to help African women. God has done all of this, but He wouldn't have without my friends saying "Yes" to a crazy calling from a crazy God who can do anything He wants with anyone He wants.

I don't know if Gimli will ever grow in his confidence to compete with Virginia's agility, but I hope I don't live in fear in my life and settle for an average life doing human-sized things. I want to do God-sized things for God and through God.