Fighting God

We give Gimli and Virginia hair cuts at home to save money. We have perfected our method and gotten our time down to less than 2 hours for both dogs including a bath. They look pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Virginia, being the compliant and sweet dog she is, is easy to trim. Though she hates getting a hair cut, she lets us move her head and body around as we need to, and waits patiently for us to finish the job. Gimli, on the other hand, is a giant pain in the rear to cut. He fights us the entire time. When we are shaving his tail, he sit down. When we are cutting his ears, he recoils his head, trying to get as far from the clippers as possible. I have to force him to get in the positions we need him to be in. Once we're done, we can tell he knows he looks good and likes being cooler and being able to see. He forgets about that in between cuts, so every cut is like pulling teeth.

As I was fighting with Gimli to get him to let us cut his hair, I thought about all the times I have prayed and asked God to get rid of sin in my life and make me more like Him, and when He starts working in my life, I fight against Him tooth and nail. I know I need to change, but the process of being changed is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and often painful. I want the result, but I don't want to experience what it takes to get there. I can only imagine how frustrated I make God by fighting His leading at every turn, when He has a wonderful place to take me that He knows is the best for me. I want to be trusting of God's leading, like Virginia is of us when we are trimming her: even when I hate it, that I would trust that God knows what He is doing, won't cause me harm, and that what He's working on is worth my temporary discomfort.

In the end, Gimli and Virginia both got hair cuts. His fighting against us didn't make his cut easier or shorter, or get him out of it. In fact, had he just quit fighting us, it would have been faster and less uncomfortable for him. We are stronger than him, and love him enough to not let his hair grow wild until he's full of knots and can't see through his eyebrows. In the same way, God is going to accomplish His purposes with or without our compliance. Fighting against Him is useless and a waste of energy. Fighting against the almighty God of the universe is exhausting! I am praying that I will quit fighting God when His plans are different than what I want, and learn to let Him have the control of my life He deserves and desires as my loving Father.

Comfort

 

Gimli and Virginia love all things soft, warm, and comfortable. They hate sitting or standing on hard floors, which is a bit of a problem since almost all our floors are wood and tile. They always find a soft spot on a rug, or towel to sit on rather than brave the cold tile on their butts. This morning, when I exited the shower, I found Gimli on 1 bath rug, and Virginia on the other, avoiding as best they could the tile throughout the room. They love to snuggle up to us in bed, get under the covers, and lay their heads on our pillows just like little people. Even while laying on our soft bed, Gimli makes a little pillow for himself out of Paul's pants. They love to be comfortable, and will go to extreme lengths to avoid being uncomfortable. If they are uncomfortable, they pout! Oh, are they pitiful pouters! They know how to tug on your heartstrings!

I love to be comfortable too, and often go to great lengths to avoid discomfort. For me, comfort is a real idol. It robs me of my time, temping me to do things that are comfortable but not valuable. It distracts me from obeying God, which almost always requires a leap of faith outside of my comfort zone. It steals the joy of what I could have experienced had I taken that step of faith and followed God's leading because I feared taking a risk. It enslaves me to mediocrity, never fully realizing the potential of myself and opportunities that God gives me. It cheats me out of the peace I could have in giving God control of my life by convincing me that He is not trustworthy or able to meet my needs, so I have to meet them myself . Though I know all of this in my head, my sin nature continually tempts me to go return to my comfort idol. It's easier that way honestly. But oh, what I give up to pursue ease and comfort!

I am convinced at the end of my life, I will want to have live a life of purpose rather than a life of ease. My prayer is that God would give me the strength and determination to choose to invest my days, resources, talents, and treasure in things that might not be the easy and comfortable, but bring glory to God & impact eternity rather than just bring me comfort.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

What's Wrong with Them?

Our good friends, Hallie and Greg, have 2 dogs, Charlie and Sadie. We love to hang out with them, and when we do, we bring the dogs so they can play too. There's just one problem: Virginia doesn't like Sadie.  Sadie is different than Virginia. She has a different kind of bark and plays a little differently than Virginia is used to. Virginia doesn't quite know what to do with her. She usually ends up trying to get us to save her & let her sit on our laps, or hides under a piece of furniture. She looks up at us with her pitiful eyes, saying, "What is wrong with that loud, crazy dog!?" Sadie is a very sweet and fun dog, and we're hoping over time Virginia will get used to their differences and find a way to play with her that they both can enjoy.

I can be the same way with people that are different than me. God has designed and gifted me in specific ways to enable me to serve Him, but these same gifts can also make it hard for me to understand other people's perspectives. I am a laid back, go with the flow kind of person. When I encounter a person who is "Type A", I am often tempted to be annoyed with their extreme attention to detail. I think, "What's wrong with them!? They are making a big deal over something that doesn't matter!" I assume that just because it doesn't matter to me that it doesn't matter at all. I forget that just as God made me patient, laid back and easy going, He made that person highly detailed & committed to excellence. I forget how much I need that person to help me not miss details that are very important. They need me to help them relax and let go of things that aren't important.  We need each other, and God gave us each other as a gift to help us navigate through life.

Nothing is wrong with the way God made Sadie. Nothing is wrong with how he made Virginia either. They just need to learn how to play together. Similarly, when I get frustrated with people who are different than me, it's not that something is wrong with them, or me. We are different, but equally important and created by God to bring Him glory with our unique gifts.  I'm praying that God will help me value and be thankful for those whose gifts are different than mine, and that I would work with my brothers and sisters in Christ to serve God together as a team.

Stuck

Gimli loves to sit up on the back of our chair, but sometimes he finds himself in a precarious situation. Slowly he will slide between the cushion and the back of the chair and can't get himself out. At first he doesn't mind because this is actually pretty comfortable for a while. But when it's time to go outside or eat dinner, he realizes his predicament: he's stuck.

Sometimes, I feel stuck in my relationship with God. It usually happens slowly- Life happens, I get busy, I get preoccupied, and then before I know it, months have gone by without me truly connecting with God. I feel distant from Him, His voice feels silent. I find myself thinking and doing things that I know are not honoring to Christ, yet I fall into it more easily than usual. When I finally do try to pray, I am filled with guilt over the time that has passed since I last spent time with Him. I don't know what to say. The enemy tempts me to hide in shame. He whispers in my ear, "God doesn't want to talk to you. You haven't prayed in how long? Wow, that's bad. You're obviously a pretty lousy Christian. He's so disappointed in you."  Sometimes I believe him. Sometimes I give in to this lie about God's character. I hide from God in shame and embarrassment over my sin. The cycle continues- I am stuck.

There is only way to get out of this shame pit: Truth. The truth is that God is not disappointed in me. He longs to spend time with me because He loves me. He isn't waiting in anger for me to pray or read my Bible. When I pray, He isn't thinking, "Took you long enough." He's thinking- "I'm so glad to spend time with you!"  The truth is, no matter what is going on in my life, no matter what sin I am struggling with, the best thing for me to do always is to seek the Lord and spend time with Him. His love for me is not dependent on how good of a Christian I am. He loves me because He loves me.

He pulls me out of the pit I'm stuck in by reminding me how much He loves me. I never have to be stuck again because Jesus died so that I can be reconciled to God forever. I never have to hide in shame because my sin has been forever taken care of.  What a glorious truth! 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

Growing Pains

Virginia won't jump up on the bed. Not can't- she won't.  She has the physical ability to do it. She's even done it before lots of times when she gets all wound up chasing after Gimli. But most of the time, she just doesn't think she can do it. She looks up at us with her sweet, pitiful face and begs us to bail her out and just pick her up. She whimpers and cries, scratches the side of the bed, tugging on my heart strings, her little puppy dog eyes calling to me: "Mommy, pleeeeese pick me up! I need help! I can't do it!" Being the softy I am, this breaks my heart. But she is not a puppy. She is a 2 year old dog who needs to act like a dog and not a puppy. Am I going to pick her up forever? I can't do that for the rest of her life. She needs to learn to jump up herself. So we decided not to help her anymore. If she wants to get on the bed bad enough, she'll learn to take a risk and jump. I'm not going to lie and say this is not hard for me. But it's the best thing for her, so I tell my heart to chill out, and leave her on the floor.

I often pray to God like this. I cry out to him to eliminate my pain, fix my problem immediately, and get mad when He doesn't. I just want the easy way out, but God has something greater for me. God knows that my pain is temporary, but my soul & my relationship with Him is forever. He is in the business of making me holy, more like Him, more trusting of Him, more dependent on Him. I hate it, but sometimes the only way I can learn is for God to withhold what I want so that I can receive that which is so much better: a trusting and loving relationship with Him; seeing His perspective on life, the world, myself, Himself; experiences that God will use in the future for me to be able to encourage others. The process of growing is uncomfortable, painful, and often awkward, but we must go through it to receive these greater rewards.

Our strategy is working. Virginia has started jumping up on the bed by herself more. She still doubts herself sometimes, but she's growing in this area more every day.  I know she doesn't like being told "no", but in the end, it will be worth it when she conquers this challenge. I don't like it when God tells me "no" or "wait" either. But I am so thankful that God is committed to me growing even when I'm not.

The Unknown Future

Last week, we had the chance to house/dog-sit for some of our very good friends who also have 2 miniature schnauzers. They also have a house and a yard, and every time our dogs get to go over there, they have an absolute blast! They love to run and play in the yard with their buddies! A few days before we went to the house for a week, we told the dogs, "You don't even know how much fun you are about to have!" They of course didn't understand us, or know what was in store for them until we had pulled into the driveway and they saw their home away from home!

As I thought about how excited we were for the dogs, knowing what fun they would have for a week, and how much fun it would be for us to watch them have fun, I thought about how God is a lot like that with us. He knows what is in store for us, knows that we cannot understand it, and can't wait to give us the blessing He has been preparing for us for a long time. Paul graduates from seminary very soon, and I often find myself wondering anxiously about where we will end up, what job he will get, and what our life will look like in 7 months when he is done with school. I envision God watching me wonder and thinking, "You don't even know the blessing I have in store for you!" He's like a dad on Christmas Eve, preparing His child's gifts, anxiously waiting for the moment when He can unveil it to them. And like Gimli and Virginia, we won't know what that blessing is until it's here. So sitting around wondering, fretting, and trying to wrap my mind around something that I cannot comprehend is a waste of time, because God's already got it figured out and will reveal it to me at just the right time, which is not today.

I'm praying that I can sit back and enjoy the blessings God has for me today, and not waste time and energy worrying about things that I can't control in the future.

Worship

Psalm 89:15-16: Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of Your presence, Lord. They rejoice all day long in Your wonderful reputation.They exult in Your righteousness.


Don't Gimli and Virginia look so peaceful and content in this picture? They are resting with each other, enjoying the warmth of the sun. You might even go so far as to say they are "basking" in it. They are resting in the radiance of the sun.  They chose to be in the place in our home where the sun shines the brightest so they could get the most sunlight possible. They don't expect the sun to find them wherever they are- they moved themselves to where it was already shining. 


This picture reminds me of what worshiping God should look like: Resting in God's presence.  It sounds so easy when you boil it down to such a simple phrase, yet many believers don't actively worship on a regular basis. This is something I have struggled with for years. I have looked at other people at church who seem to really be worshiping passionately and thought, "Worship just doesn't come naturally to me like that", or "I'm just not as emotive as they are". Or I've found myself in churches that didn't have music that I preferred, so used that as an excuse to disengage.  The truth is, I have been fearful and lazy. Worship isn't something that just happens automatically. Just like Gimli and Virginia had to move themselves to the place where the sun was shining to receive the warmth, we also must move ourselves, readjust our heart and mindset to be focused on Jesus. We can't just stand there and wait for ourselves to spontaneously erupt in worship. To worship, we must intentionally choose to do so by engaging our hearts and minds. 


There are lots of reasons I have chosen not to engage my heart and mind in worship. I've disengaged at times when I've been in an emotionally fragile place and didn't want to embarrass myself by crying at church. I've avoided worshiping purely because I didn't want to put the work into engaging my heart and mind. I chose to just glaze over, sing the songs, and think about what I'd eat for lunch that day. I've believed a lie that I have to be all put together before I can really worship God, so felt unworthy to be in His presence, and avoided Him. I've had really big stuff going on in my life that has monopolized my thoughts. Instead of casting those things before the Lord, I've spent time I could have been worshiping Him just needlessly worrying and fretting over them. Most of the time, though, I've just been so concerned about how I'd appear to the people around me, not wanting to be thought too spiritual, not spiritual enough, a faker, a weirdo, or any other undesirable description I can come up with. 


Whatever the reason, the one who has lost out in these situations is myself. When we enter the presence of God, we cannot help but be blessed by Him. If we tell Him, "I love you", He will always respond with, "I love you too". How much of a difference would just feeling that love, peace, and comfort made in all of those situations? My prayer is that every opportunity I get, whether in the car on the way to work, at church, in my personal time of prayer and Bible reading, that I will truly rest in God's presence and worship Him with my whole heart.