Gimli does not like uncertainty. He likes to know exactly what is going to happen throughout the day. He likes routine, to be in familiar environments and does not like change. He notices patterns and can usually predict what is going to happen based on our behavior. It's really amazing actually. When things don't go as he plans, he gets very anxious and out of sorts. When I leave for work in the morning, he's fine. But if I go to the store in the middle of the day on Saturday or Sunday, he cries and howls, and hovers by the door until I get home. This is not on his agenda, and he does not like it. The times we have moved, it has taken him several weeks before feeling comfortable in our new place. He will cry when we leave, which is uncharacteristic. He is unsure about where he is, so he doesn't want to be left without us.
I don't like uncertain situations either. I don't like that in a year Paul will graduate from seminary and we have no idea where he'll get a job, what kind of church it will be, what role it will be- there are so many options, it can be overwhelming to think about. I don't like that when Paul and I are out of the house, we don't know what's going on in our apartment. After being robbed, I have a lot of fear about leaving the dogs in our apartment. It's scary to not be in control.
The truth is, we're never in control. God is always in control. The fear and anxiety we feel on a daily basis due to not being in control is an utter waste. As Jesus said in Matthew, "How many of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?" None of us can. None of us can know the future, no matter how hard we try to predict it or guess at it. Sometimes I go online to pastor job website and look at what kinds of openings there are right now. I know it is a complete waste of time to do this, because Paul still has a whole year before he graduates, and those jobs will be filled by that time. It's pointless, but i'm tempted to do it anyway because I want to guess at the future to make myself feel better about not knowing. What I should do instead is focus on what God has called me to for today, and not waste time and energy thinking and worrying about the future. The same God who created the universe & knows everything that will happen for the rest of eternity, is the same God who created me, knows me perfectly, and offers to lead me through each step of my life. He has all the knowledge, all the power, and perfect love for me. He is entirely trustworthy. What could I do about my own life that would ever come close to what He could do?
I don't want Gimli to be anxious and worry about where I am. I want him to trust that I'm okay and will come back home very soon. God doesn't want me to worry either. My prayer is that as I continue to grow closer to the Lord by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, that I'll focus on worship rather than worry.
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