Community

My dogs get a very important truth: Life is better lived in community. They are each other's best buds. They play together all the time. When we walk them, they want to walk side by side, not one in front of the other. Sometimes they still have fights and get mad at each other if they steal each other's toys or treats, but they are quick to forgive and move on as friends. They know holding a grudge is a waste of time, and they need each other. Gimli had to be convinced of this when we first got Virginia. She has always been a little cuddle bug, so she tried to snuggle up to him from the get-go. At first, this was very undesirable to Gimli. He would get up and move if she encroached on his space, or push her out of the way. But over time, her sweet spirit won him over. Now he loves cuddling with her as much as she does him. Since we got Virginia, Gimli has been a much more contented and agreeable dog. He gets much more energy out by playing with her. We used to have to walk him 3 times a day (by walk I mean a true walk for 30 minutes, not just a potty break). Now, he doesn't need any long walks.

It can be tempting to try to go it alone in life. It is risky to put ourselves out there to meet new people, invest in friendships, & resolve conflict. It's so much easier to invest all our time in the person we know how to please the best- ourselves. I am a very social person, so I'm not tempted to go it alone, but I am tempted to be lazy about my relationships when I am focused on what I get out of the relationship rather than what I can give. I am often tempted to avoid difficult people because they require more work and energy, when they are the ones who need love and care the most. I am tempted to not invest in relationships when there is little chance of a long term friendship. Why does it have to be long term to be a good use of energy and time? What if the person I am building a friendship with needs that community more than I do? I can become so focused on my own needs that I miss out on a chance to serve others.

People's souls are one of three eternal things, along with God and His Word. What better use of time and energy is there than to invest in something that has eternal significance? God has called us to live in community with others- in fact, we NEED to be in community with others. This can be tough because sinful people are bound to hurt each other at some point. But if we can take the time and energy to make our relationships a priority, resolve conflict, and live life together, we will never be alone. Gimli and Virginia get it. I pray that I will too.

Fear of the Unknown

Gimli does not like uncertainty. He likes to know exactly what is going to happen throughout the day. He likes routine, to be in familiar environments and does not like change. He notices patterns and can usually predict what is going to happen based on our behavior. It's really amazing actually. When things don't go as he plans, he gets very anxious and out of sorts. When I leave for work in the morning, he's fine. But if I go to the store in the middle of the day on Saturday or Sunday, he cries and howls, and hovers by the door until I get home. This is not on his agenda, and he does not like it. The times we have moved, it has taken him several weeks before feeling comfortable in our new place. He will cry when we leave, which is uncharacteristic. He is unsure about where he is, so he doesn't want to be left without us.

I don't like uncertain situations either. I don't like that in a year Paul will graduate from seminary and we have no idea where he'll get a job, what kind of church it will be, what role it will be- there are so many options, it can be overwhelming to think about. I don't like that when Paul and I are out of the house, we don't know what's going on in our apartment. After being robbed, I have a lot of fear about leaving the dogs in our apartment. It's scary to not be in control.

The truth is, we're never in control. God is always in control. The fear and anxiety we feel on a daily basis due to not being in control is an utter waste. As Jesus said in Matthew, "How many of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?" None of us can. None of us can know the future, no matter how hard we try to predict it or guess at it. Sometimes I go online to pastor job website and look at what kinds of openings there are right now. I know it is a complete waste of time to do this, because Paul still has a whole year before he graduates, and those jobs will be filled by that time. It's pointless, but i'm tempted to do it anyway because I want to guess at the future to make myself feel better about not knowing. What I should do instead is focus on what God has called me to for today, and not waste time and energy thinking and worrying about the future. The same God who created the universe & knows everything that will happen for the rest of eternity, is the same God who created me, knows me perfectly, and offers to lead me through each step of my life. He has all the knowledge, all the power, and perfect love for me. He is entirely trustworthy. What could I do about my own life that would ever come close to what He could do?

I don't want Gimli to be anxious and worry about where I am. I want him to trust that I'm okay and will come back home very soon. God doesn't want me to worry either. My prayer is that as I continue to grow closer to the Lord by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, that I'll focus on worship rather than worry.

Feeding on the Wrong Things

I've mentioned before that Virginia is a living vacuum cleaner. She will eat anything. When I'm cleaning the kitchen, she will wait by my feet for the crumbs to fall to the ground off the counter so she can eat every little morsel. It's hard for me to understand why she would want to eat day old bread crumbs and dried cheese, but she can't get enough of it. I swear we feed her plenty of dog food! She does not need this extra food, it has no nutritional value, and has the potential to make her sick if she gets the wrong thing, like a little piece of jalapeño or pepperoni. She doesn't know the difference between good food or bad food for her, so we tell her "NO!" when she goes for the bad kind. At that point its up to her if she's going to trust us or give into the temptation to ignore us and go for the crusty bread she longs for. Usually, she goes for the bread.

I'm tempted to feed myself on the wrong things too. The world around me tells me messages every day about what is true, valuable and worthwhile. The world says, "Your happiness is all that matters." I see the portrayed in tv shows, the movies, on the internet, the news, political policies, and our culture as a whole. Lots of the messages I hear are easy to dismiss, but others can creep into my mind and convince me of lies without me perceiving it. Lies like, "You're wardrobe isn't good enough- you need new, nicer clothes. You don't want to look like an old lady do you?", or "Why on earth have you chosen to only have 1 car?! Who can live with only 1 car!", or "Why would you want to go into the ministry? You'll never make much money and you'll never be able to change people." If I neglect to read my Bible, it can be easy to think these lies are fact instead of what they are. When screen everything I see, hear, or read through the truths of the Bible, when these lies creep into my head, its so much easier to recall the truth and refuse to let the lies linger in my mind. If I dwell on lies, I'll start to believe them and act on them. If I dwell on Scripture, I'll believe it and act on it. I'm not saying its wrong to watch TV or to put our fingers in our ears and ignore the world around us. If we do that, we'll never be able to reach those who don't yet believe in Jesus with His message. I believe our primary "food" should come from the Word of God, so when worldly lies inevidably come across our minds, we'll be prepared to fight them off.

Virginia may not know what food is good and bad for her, but I do know what's good and bad for me to ingest. My prayer is that God would bring truth to my mind when lies creep up, and help me to make reading the Bible a top priority in my life.

Real Love

Gimli is not a particularly cuddly dog, and Virginia clearly favors Paul, so when the dogs actually snuggle up to me, it's a big deal. I'm obviously a good bit bigger and stronger than both of these dogs, so I could grab them and force them to snuggle with me, which I admit I sometimes do. Sometimes Paul will command them to "go get Mommy", and they will run over and give me a little kiss. But there is no comparing the feeling that comes from snuggling with a dog who has been cooerced one way or another into it and when they walk up to me on their own accord and curl up next to me, especially when they could have chosen to cuddle up to Paul. When they choose to be affectionate with me, I feel so wanted, treasured and loved. When they cuddle with me because they are forced to or commanded to, I can appreciate their obedience, but don't feel especially loved. I adore my pups and so desire for them to know that I love them and for them to love me in return. So there's really no beating the feeling of them expressing affection for me.

I believe God loves me perfectly, and has a great desire for me to understand how much He loves me and love Him in return. I know this is true because the Bible says in Romans, "But God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And also in 1 John: "We love because He first loved us." The love of God demonstrated through the gift of salvation from our sin through Jesus' sacrificial death on our behalf is absolutely amazing and undeniable. His power and ability to be trusted in all circumstances is demonstrated by His resurrection from the dead. Nothing is impossible for Him, so we have every reason in the world to put our full trust in Him because of this love and power. He loves us perfectly and has the power to do whatever is necessary for our good, and knows exactly what that is. My prayer is that God would continue to change my heart to want what He wants, to seek Him out, and not just obey Him out of duty, but out of genuine affection for the One who has lavished love on me so generously.

Insecurity

Gimli is beastly and a heavyweight, but Virginia is quick and agile. They both love to be chased, and often will entice each other to play by teasing them with a toy. Even though Gimli could take Virginia in a fight any day, with her speed, she can easily take the toy from Gimli and keep it away from him. Because Gimli likes to be in control, he likes to be the chasee-not the chaser. Quickly after losing a toy to Virginia in this game, he loses confidence that he can get it back, gives up and pouts. We try to encourage him to keep chasing her and try to get it back, but he won't be coerced. He doesn't think he can, so he doesn't even try.

This kind of insecurity plagues me in my life. I am so fearful of rejection, failure and difficulty that I often avoid even trying new things or endure the time and endurance it takes to improve on a skill. I used to take ballet, and my instructor once told me, "Make big mistakes. I'd rather you fall on your face because you tried with all your might, than to never give it your all and never make a mistake. You'll never be a great dancer if you dance safely." That stuck with me, and I've always wanted to have that kind of courage and confidence in myself, and not be afraid of looking silly to other people.

I believe the best and most secure way to obtain this level of confidence is to understand the love God has for us. His love for us is not based on our performance. He loves us because He loves us, no if's and's or but's. Even when we fail, that love is not hindered or changed in any way. When our confidence is based on His opinion of us, rather than the fickle opinions of others, we will feel free to take leaps of faith and follow God to do crazy things, knowing He will enable us to do them, or if we do fail, He has something to teach us through that.

I have 2 friends who has done this. They felt God's leading to start a non-profit ministry to professional women in downtown Dallas. So they took a huge leap of faith to try something crazy to follow God, and now 2 years after Polish began, have grown to almost 100 women attending their events. This is a situation that if God didn't show up, they would truly look foolish. They had faith that He would show up, and He did. The ministry is thriving, people are coming to know Jesus and being renewed in their faith, and now they are even reaching out to help African women. God has done all of this, but He wouldn't have without my friends saying "Yes" to a crazy calling from a crazy God who can do anything He wants with anyone He wants.

I don't know if Gimli will ever grow in his confidence to compete with Virginia's agility, but I hope I don't live in fear in my life and settle for an average life doing human-sized things. I want to do God-sized things for God and through God.

Forgetting the Past

Dogs are notorious for having a 5 minute memory. This has got to be the reason they are known as "man's best friend", and love us so unconditionally. They just can't remember all the mistakes we've made as dog owners!

In past posts, I've talked about how much Gimli does not like having his beard brushed. After we're done with the unpleasant task, he runs to his crate to hide and pout because he's mad. But without fail, a few minutes later, he comes out of his crate and snuggles up to us. He's over it and he doesn't hold a grudge.

I absolutely love this quality about dogs! How freeing it is to know that my sweet pups will always forgive me when I make a mistake! This is how God is with our sin. He doesn't remember it once it is forgiven. This isn't because He has a 5 minute memory like dogs, but because He chooses not to because the sin has been paid for by Jesus. When He forgives us, it is complete forgiveness. Often when I "forgive" people, bitterness or anger can still creep up when I think back on the offense. God doesn't do this about our sin at all. I have spent so much time fretting over my own past sin, just feeling ill about it, and the truth is that I'm the only one worrying about it because God forgave it long ago. The enemy will use this to make me fearful to approach God and seek Him out, but this is a lie. I have nothing to be afraid of. He isn't holding past sins against me. They are as far as the east is from the west- never to be seen again.

What an absolutely marvelous truth! The way dogs illustrate total forgiveness makes them so comforting to be around. God's forgiveness is even more perfect, so we should run to Him with our concerns and needs, knowing that once we have received His gift of total forgiveness of sin through Jesus, He will never meet us with anything but love and acceptance.

Distraction

We live in an apartment, so we have to actually walk our dogs so they can...well...do their business if-you-catch-my-drift. I grew up just opening the back door to let my dog out, but we do not currently have that luxury. Dogs are naturally outdoor animals of course, and they naturally love to run and play when outside. However for our dogs, time outside is for a very specific purpose, and it's not playtime. A few days ago, I could not get Virginia to focus on the task at hand to save my life. She was distracted by the birds in the trees, other dogs walking by, the sound of a neighbor's wind chime, a plastic bag drifting across the sidewalk, a leaf falling off a tree- everything around her was drawing her attention away from what she was supposed to be doing. Needless to say, I was frustrated.

I get distracted by the noise all around me and lose focus on my task at hand too. God has called me to make my relationship with Him my first priority. Yet, I spend so much more time entertaining myself and filling my mind with other things. I end up spending all my time on other things and have no time left for the most important thing in my life. God has also called me to share His love with people who don't yet know about it. I get distracted from this very important calling by wanting to do the easier thing like spend time with Christian friends, or just stay at home and not put forth the effort to get to know people and serve them. I often trade intentionality about investing in God's kingdom for laziness.

Virginia finally got around to doing what she needed to, but not without the help of my frequent prodding. My prayer is that God, in His divine patience, will not give up prodding me towards the most important things when I get distracted by the easy and entertaining.

Hiding from God

Please take a moment to observe the awesomeness that is Gimli's beard. It is beastly to say the least. Paul is extremely proud of this beard. Before we even got Gimli, his dream was to get a schnauzer and grow his beard long enough to braid. I must admit that I am not quite as enthused about the braiding thing, but I can appreciate the connection to Gimli's namesake, and for how manly and tough it makes my little guy look!

One of the downsides to Gimli having this crazy cool beard is that it gets knots and tangles so quickly, so we have to brush it out every few days. If you've ever had to brush tangles out of your hair, imagine having to brush tangles out of hair attached to your lips. Needless to say, Gimli does not enjoy this activity at all! But it has to happen or the knots will turn into what my mom used to call "rat's nests", or  unintentional dreadlocks of the face. Not gangsta.

After the pump fake of bribing him then holding him down and brushing out the knots, Gimli is not happy with us. He immediately will run and hide in the back of his crate and not come out for half an hour or so. He is pouting and hiding from us because he's mad at us for putting him through a painful process. He doesn't understand how necessary it is for his well being. I can relate to Gimli because whenever God takes me through a painful process, whether it be discipline, life changes, transitions, inconvenience, any sort of discomfort, I want to hide from him. I don't want to pray, read my Bible, or seek Him out in any way. I don't care about His will or plan. I just want to pout and throw myself a pity party. I know I don't see the big picture, but in those painful moments, I really don't care about that. I am so thankful that I serve a God who knows my weakness, knows my heart, knows what's best for me, and will carry me through the hard times even if I do not respond the way I should. His faithfulness does not depend on my faithfulness. If it did, I would be completely without hope.

As I see Gimli run away from us and knowing that he doesn't understand what he needs but I do, God tells me, "Just like he doesn't know what he needs but you do,  you don't know what you need, but I do.  Trust me because you know I love you even if you don't understand my ways."

Persistent Prayer

Staring Contest- You, Me, Now!

Gimli and Virginia both have a lovely little trait that I both love and hate- Stubbornness. When they get something in their heads that they want, it is very difficult to distract them from it. This leads to a behavior dogs are known for- Begging. The are begging pros! Gimli is a manipulative beggar. He pulls out all his charm when he wants something we have. When we are eating a snack, he will come up next to us and lay his head sweeetly on our laps. He does not do this normally. It is purely a trick to butter us up to give him what he wants. Virginia is not quite a subtle. She stares at us intensely, wags her tail furiously and paws at us until we give her what she wants. They may beg differently, but one thing they both do is wait expectantly with incredible patience. They don't care how long it takes- they will wait and wait and wait until you give them what they want. They don't forget, they don't stop asking. Their hope is that if they wait long enough, eventually we will give in and give them a little bite of food, or our sock to play with, or whatever it is they want.

This reminds me of the way Jesus taught the disciples how to pray in Luke 11:

 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need. So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

To be honest, it drives me nuts when the dogs beg me incessantly for stuff, but God is commanding us to do this to Him. He is not bothered by persistant prayer. He wants us to look to Him to provide for us and to ask Him for what we need. He wants us to expect Him to hear our prayers and answer us. He always does answer, just not always with a "yes", or even a "no." The worst is when the answer is "wait"! Oh, how I hate to hear "wait" from God! I am often tempted to believe prayer doesn't matter and that God doesn't answer, that He's just going to do what He wants and it doesn't matter what I pray for. The truth is that it does matter. It matters because God wants me to engage with Him, to seek Him, to seek His will, to look to Him as my provider, and to trust Him no matter what the answer is. And according to this passage, my prayers can even motivate God to act in a way He may not have without us asking. Wow! The God of the Universe hears my prayers, and even acts because of my prayers. 

So let's all be like Gimli and Virginia and pester God with our prayers, requests, needs, desires, and whatever else is on our minds, and trust Him to bless us through being nagging beggars!

Provision

She cannot take her eyes off my cereal

Virginia is absolutely obsessed with food. I have never in my life seen a dog that is done growing get so excited to eat her regular every day food. Whenever its time for her to eat, she sits at our feet, wagging her tail frantically, and will even resort to jumping and attacking us with kisses to remind us not-so-subtly that it is time for dinner! Since we are the ones who feed her everyday, she comes to attack us. She knows who provides for her needs and trusts that we will feed her when she needs it. She doesn't try to hunt while we are outside, or worry about what will happen when she's hungry again. Even though she can't see the bag of food in our closet, she knows it is there because we have fed her from it every single day. She is fully aware and at peace with the fact that she is totally dependent on us, and isn't afraid to ask for what she needs from the ones who meet her needs and care for her.

In the same way, I am totally dependent on God to meet my needs. Yet I have a hard time trusting in Him to provide for me. I worry all the time about how I will provide for my family. I worry I don't make enough money, that something will happen that we financially aren't prepared for, that we aren't saving enough, and on and on. The worries are almost endless. I frequently believe a lie that I have to provide for myself, and stress about all of the unknowns that I cannot control. God, on the other hand, is not surprised by anything, is in control of everything, has everything I need at His disposal. He is the perfect provider. I can't always see how He will provide, but He has provided for me every single day of my life, so I should be able to remember that and believe He will continue to. The truth is that He will provide for me whether I believe He will or not, and I am not my own provider even if I think I am. Therefore, I can choose to worry over things I have no control over, or choose to trust in Christ to provide for me, and live without stress and worry in my life. The only thing I can control is my own attitude. 

It wouldn't make any sense for Virginia to try to hunt for her own food when we've got a big bag of dog food waiting for her in our home. In the same way, it doesn't make any sense for me to worry about my needs being met when the God of the Universe has promised to provide for everything I need. My prayer is that the Lord would give me faith to trust in Him to provide for all of my needs every day, and not rely on my limited abilities.

Weakness or Lack of Strength?

Gimli is a playful and intense dog. He loves to play with toys, wrestle, chase and be chased. Virginia is a little snuggle bunny. She doesn't really need to play. She enjoys curling up next to me and loves to be rubbed. However, when we play with Gimli, she all the sudden decides she needs to be a playful dog like him. I will be playing tug of war with a toy with Gimli, and she will grab another toy and just shake it to death and barks at nothing. She never does this unless Gimli is playing with us. She is trying to copy her brother and get our attention too. If I stop playing with Gimli and give her some attention, she immediately drops the toy and snuggles up to me. That's who she really is. The "playful" dog is just an act to fit in with the rest of us.

I want to be liked and to fit in with the people around me too. I constantly compare myself to others and find new ways I do not measure up every day. I am amazed by people who are great public speakers, math whizzes, great with finances, and have a good eye for fashion and home decor. Since I am not strong in any of those areas at all, I look at people with those strengths and can't help but notice that I am weak in those areas. I once heard a speaker say that we talk an awful lot about "strengths and weaknesses", but what we actually have is "strengths" and "a lack of other strengths". We don't look at a dog and say, "You're strong in running, but weak in flying." They were not created to fly. Just like birds were not created to swim. I do believe that we have areas of weakness related to sin that we need to work on and allow God to change. However, how often do I get frustrated with my "lack of strengths" and view that as a weakness to overcome or change? 

I have been praying recently that God would show me the ways He has gifted me, and what "good works" He has prepared for me to do in my life (Ephesians 2:10). I am also praying that God would give me the strength and faith to be okay with not being good at everything, to trust in the plans and He has for my life, and to not try to add to those plans tasks I think I should be doing that God hasn't called me to do. 

God created every being uniquely in the entire world. That absolutely amazes me! Getting to watch my 2 puppies live out their personalities has made this truth so real to me. They are not people, but God still created them uniquely and creatively. How much more uniquely and creatively He created me! I am praying that God would give me the courage and faith to do what He has created and called me to do that no one else can do. Now I've just got to figure out what that is!

Running ahead

Paul walks both dogs most of the time, but when I help walk them, I walk Virginia. For Virginia, walking outside is the most exciting time of the day! She loves to smell all the smells, see what people are out and about, maybe even run into a new furry friend! She gets herself all worked up and just cannot wait to get out there! So she pulls on her leash the entire walk outside. No matter how many times I correct her, pop her on the nose, scold her, keep her leash short, or tug the leash, she will not be distracted from the excitement that lies ahead. She needs to learn to follow me, walk with me and obey me, but she is just too excited about the world around her to focus on me as she should.

As I walked her tonight and got frustrated by her constant pulling, I thought about how I do this to God all the time. God wants me to focus on Him, to move through life at His pace, enjoy the walk alongside Him, but all I want to do is get to the next step. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be a teenager. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for college. When I was in college, I couldn't wait to graduate and be on my own. When I was single, I couldn't wait to get married. Now we are getting Paul through seminary, and I can't wait for him to graduate & get a job as a minister. I know God has amazing experiences, relationships, and gifts to give me during this time, but I just want to move on to the next thing.

I believe this is because I am putting my hope in my circumstances instead of in the Lord. I am hoping that when I get to that next life stage that all the frustrations of my life will disappear and I'll be so much happier. I run through the "if only..." scenarios in my mind constantly. The truth is that no matter what the circumstance of my life are, I will only be truly fulfilled and satisfied in life when I am putting my hope in Christ. He is the only thing in my life that is unchanging and perfectly loving and able to meet all of my needs. Everything else, even the people I cherish the most, are temporal and limited. To put all of my hope, identity, joy, and value in things like possessions, relationships with people, job success, will inevitably lead me to disappointment and leave me unfulfilled.

I haven't figured out how to snap Virginia out of her obsessive leash pulling ways and trust me to lead her while we walk, but I am so thankful that God does, and is patiently helping me learn to trust Him to lead me as we walk through the days of my life together.

Burrs and Discipline

Last week, we decided to take advantage of a perfectly beautiful day and take the dogs on a walk around a nearby park we don't often take the time to enjoy. The dogs had a blast! They ran through the grass, playing, rolling around, sniffing each other's butts- all the things dogs love to do. When we got home form our walk, the dogs started licking and biting their feet furiously. We quickly noticed that their legs were covered with little tiny burrs they had picked up in the grass. They both had hundreds of these little things, each one wound tightly around their hair and had to be picked out one at a time. Obviously it was hurting their little feet and they were anxious to be free from their prickly presence. So we each took a dog and started picking. They resisted at first, as it was clearly very painful to have their hair pulled over and over. But there was no other option. The burrs had to go, and they couldn't get them out by themselves. They needed us to do it for them. They knew this was the case, so eventually they just relaxed in our arms and let us do the job. When all the burrs were removed, Gimli even snuggled up to Paul. It was like he was saying, "Thank you Daddy for getting those nasty things off my feet!" 
I am so challenged by the way our dogs totally trust us to do what is best for them. In my life, God is constantly removing "burrs" that I picked up from the world.  I absolutely hate the process of having them removed, and so often get so irritated with God for how He works to get rid of them.  The truth is, just like Gimli and Virginia, I cannot get rid of them myself, and their presence in my life hurts me.  God, in His perfect love and wisdom, chooses to take me through the painful removal process for the greater good of not having those painful pricklies in my life anymore. I usually don't see it that way.

Inevitably, I will be be picking up "burrs" throughout my whole life, some because of sin, some just because of life. To be honest, this is so scary to me and I find myself just begging God not to let anything bad or painful happen to me. That is unrealistic, and unbiblical actually because the Bible teaches us that through suffering we become more like Christ & experience Him in an unparalleled way. My prayer is that I would become so convinced of God's love for me, His character, His goodness, and His wisdom, that, like Virginia and Gimli, would just relax and let God do His job of changing and molding me, even when it hurts.