Honest Prayer

Gimli is so expressive of his feelings! We always know how he's feeling at any moment because he lets us know! When he's mad, he gruffs, goes to his crate and sulks. When he's excited, he has this totally different gruff- his excited gruff- and wags his tail, jumps up on us and gives us kisses. When he's mad at Virginia, he nips at her neck and wrestles her out of the way. I've even seen him get embarrassed, and he hangs his head and tries to play it cool! Hilarious!

I love how honest Gimli is about his feelings. It's not always the best thing to be totally open with our feelings to other people. But the amazing thing about God is that we can be completely honest with Him! We can tell Him every thought that enters our mind, even if its embarrassing, because, well, He already knows it! He knows what we're thinking and feeling & understands why even when we don't. One of my most treasured times with the Lord in my whole life was the first time I was truly honest with Him. I was in college and experienced an unexpected and major disappointment. I laid in my bed sobbing and praying, and somewhere from the depths of my heart that I didn't even know was there, I said to God, "I feel like you were unfaithful to me!" Immediately, I felt terror- "Oh my gosh, I just told God He was unfaithful!" I waited for lightning to strike me for what I perceived as a sinful thought, but instead I felt an overwhelming rush of peace and comfort. I felt like God was actually hugging me! He said, "I already knew you felt that way. It's okay to tell me! I love you!"  Since that day, I have found it incredibly freeing to talk to God about all of my thoughts and feelings, even if I know they are rooted in sin. When I bring them before the Lord, I find that my heart about the situation changes, and He gives me new perspective and helps me know how to respond.

Gimli doesn't have to be afraid of showing us his true feelings because we will love him, accept him and take care of him no matter how he behaves. Jesus has made it possible through His sacrifice for those who have accepted Him to approach God with confidence also, knowing we will always be accepted. What an incredible gift! Why wouldn't we bring every thought, feeling, concern, joy, or pain to His feet?

Hebrews 4:14-16: "So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

Pressing Upward

Last week, Paul had a one week class that kept him away from home all day for 5 days. The dogs are used to having Paul home with them most of the time, being out of the crate, & getting to play with Paul and each other. This week, that wasn't possible. They had to be in their crates for almost all day. When we finally did get home, they were dying for attention and to run out some energy. After a day or two of this, we noticed they were becoming more and more defiant and disobedient. We couldn't even get them to sit, which they usually do very quickly. Virginia was barking at everything in sight. They were completely acting on instinct instead of following us. As you can imagine, we were incredibly frustrated. When Paul's class ended and he was home more again, they settled back down very quickly. We concluded that their bad behavior was a result of not getting a fundamental need in their lives: quality time with and attention from their master.

I'm the same way when I don't get quality time with my Master, Jesus. It seems like my whole life is out of whack. When I haven't connected with Him, I am more prone to believe lies from my flesh or the enemy. Every insecurity feels like a glaring weakness on display for the world to see, and suddenly all I can think about is fixing myself, or at least how to fix how I appear.  I'm not worshiping God anymore- I'm worshiping the approval of others.  This makes me less patient, less kind, more defensive, more controlling and altogether focused on myself.

What I need every day is to hear my Master tell me, "I love you as you are, weaknesses and all. I have a plan for your life. I am at work in your life. You are valuable because you are Mine." If I don't take time to meet with Him and worship Him, instead of His voice, I hear my sinful flesh, the enemy and the world's voices. Life naturally leads us away from Christ. It's like walking up the down escalator. If we don't intentionally walk towards Christ, we will drift away from Him. It's considerably easier to go with the downward flow of the escalator, but the consequences are great.  I'm praying God will continue to remind me of the great reward of pressing on upward towards Him, and for the strength to keep climbing!

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door... You step into the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." -Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkin

Asking for Help

One thing Gimli and Virginia are great about is knowing their limitations. When they know they can't do something they want to do, they ask for help. When they want to go to the bathroom, they know they need our help to go outside. If they lose a toy under a table, they will whine and whine at us until we go and get their toy for them. They aren't afraid to burden us with another task to do for them. They know that if they ask us for help, we will get what they need.

I confess that I hate asking for help! I hate asking people to go out of their way for me, and feel that when people help me it is an inconvenience for them.  During busy seasons at my job, my coworkers will often ask me if they can help me with anything, and I even then hate to have someone else do what is my responsibility. Ironically, I love helping others and being asked for help.  The ugly truth is, I like to give off the appearance that I have it all together, so whether I'm helping someone else, or not needing help, I hope to appear to not have any weaknesses. But as much as I hate to admit it, I need help a lot. I'm not perfect and I need other people to help me in all areas of my life. Hiding my weakness doesn't help anyone, especially not me. We were made to work together in life, not fly solo. The Bible describes all the followers of Christ together as a "body". A body needs all of its parts to function. In the body of Christ, I am one part, but I can't function without all of the others. It is prideful and unwise for me to try to. 

I hope I'll be able to one day be like Gimli and Virginia, realistic about the gifts God has given me, as well as the ones He hasn't, and unafraid to ask for help when its needed from those who love me and with the common goal to bring God the most glory possible.

Rejection

Gimli loves playing tug of war! He will bring us toys, socks, dish towels, anything he can get his paws on and try to entice us to try to take it from him. He's got quite a jaw lock, and sometimes he holds so tight that we can lift him up off the ground by his teeth, pulling on the toy he's biting. The thing about tug of war is that only one dog can play at a time. Virginia really doesn't like tug of war by herself, but whenever Gimli is playing with us, she all of the sudden decides its her favorite game too and wants to play. She'll just bark and bark at us until we stop playing just with Gimli and start including her in the game. She doesn't like to be left out.

No one likes to feel left out or rejected. We want to be included, desired, and important to others. There's not much worse than feeling forgotten about, or worse: disliked and excluded. Unfortunately, its just a part of life that everyone who has ever lived has experienced. I've been reading a book called Lost Women of The Bible by Carolyn Custis James. She has amazing insight into rejection in the life of Hagar, the maidservant of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah hardcore rejected Hagar! Sarah forced her to get pregnant by her husband, carry a child that she would have to hand over to Sarah, and then after she did all of that, Sarah resents her and abuses her so much that Hagar fled into the wilderness. This is after living her whole life as a Gentile slave girl, which at that time was basically as low as you could be in society. While she was in the wilderness, God spoke to her. He told her that He would bless her and give her many descendants through her son. Hagar then gave God a name: she called Him El Roi, "the God who sees me". Though God gave her this amazing promise, the thing that impacted her the most was that He saw her, He knew everything about her and loved her. She was important to Him. How amazing that must have been for someone who probably never felt important to anyone in her whole life.

God sees each one of us, every person who has ever lived. He loves each of us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice to give us a chance to reconcile our relationship with Him that was broken by our sin. He offers us the gift of forgiveness for our sin that is free for us but very costly for Him. When we receive this gift of forgiveness, He promises He will never reject us.  We can never do anything that will make Him stop loving us or cost us the salvation He has given to us. How wonderful that we serve a God who we never have to fear being rejected by!

Minding My Business

Often when Gimli and Virginia plop down to rest, they lay in ways that seem to make no sense. Their necks and heads craned back as if in a back bend, or draped over our laps with their heads hanging upside down. We look at them and say, "That can't be comfortable!" I will pick them up and try to reposition them in a way that I think will be more pleasant for them. But in the end, they twist, turn, dig, and stretch as they wish and lay in ways they choose. They know what makes them comfortable more than I do.

I can often do the same thing with people I know and love, people I don't like, and even those I don't know at all. How very easy it is for me to project my own opinions, preferences, and convictions on other people. There are times when a friends' well being is at stake, but the majority of the time, their choices may cause an annoyance to me, but no danger to them or anyone else. And truthfully, is there anything more annoying than a person offering unsolicited and undesired advice?

When I think about the impact I want to have on others, that's not what I have in mind. I don't want to be the type of person people avoid sharing their lives with for fear of intrusion and judgement. People will always disagree with me, choose to value things differently than I do, and make decisions I may not agree with. I pray that God would make me a person of safety and comfort for others, one whom people feel free to be themselves and not have to wear a mask. Those are the kinds of relationships we all remember and cherish the most.

 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

"Do I Matter to You?"

Gimli is trying to oust Virginia from
 the spot closest to Paul

Gimli loves to hang out in his crate, and will often just sit in there while the rest of us are hanging out in the living room. He is totally content nestled in his dark crate, curled up in the warm blankets- that is until he suspects that Virginia is getting attention from us. I don't know how he knows, but somehow he can sense when Virginia is getting a tummy rub or is snuggling up to us. Though he was previously content in his dark, soft crate, when attention is being dolled out, he has to be on the receiving end. He will push Virginia out of the way, step on her, whatever he needs to do to steal all the attention for himself.

Though I've learned how to control my behavior to not actually push people out of my way, I can often still have this very same attitude about others' successes.  Do I rejoice with my friends when they receive a blessing even if I haven't? Even if I've been praying for that same blessing and have yet to receive it? Even if I know I will never receive that very same blessing? More often, when others receive a blessing I want, I turn in bitterness and anger to God, asking, "Why did you give that to her? Why not me?! It's not FAIR God!!"  The truth behind this reaction is not so much about the other person's blessing, but about my apparent lack of blessing. My heart is crying out to God asking, "Do you see me? Do you hear my cries? Do I matter to You?"

The truth is that God does hear us, and He cares more than we can imagine. So often it doesn't feel like that, but that is the truth, no matter what the circumstance may be. He may not answer the way we would like, but whatever He chooses is always the best. When we believe God is for us, that He loves us and is at work in our lives, we can more easily rejoice with our friends when they experience times of blessing, even in our times of waiting and longing. We will all experience seasons of blessing and seasons of painful longing. Whichever season we are in, we need our brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside us and go through it together. I am praying that I would be a catalyst for worship to those God has placed in my life, and that He would provide those relationships for me as well, so we can all worship God together in every season of life.

Lamentations 3:55-58: But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help! Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” Lord, you are my lawyer! Plead my case! For you have redeemed my life.

Trying to Help

Gimli and Virginia love being the center of our attention. As you can probably imagine, we cannot give them our undivided attention every moment of the day like they would prefer. Sometimes, they decide to force us to give them attention in not-so-subtle ways.  We like to call this "helping". Just yesterday, Gimli decided to "help" Paul take apart some shelves by jumping into his lap, making it very difficult for Paul to get the job done. He does the same thing to me when I'm trying to dust or clean counter tops. He thinks I'm playing with him, so he chases me around trying to steal my rags. Though his intentions are good in wanting to engage with us in what we're doing, the last thing he is being is helpful. Really, he's just getting in the way and making it impossible for us to do the job we need to do. Of course, he doesn't care about clean counters, and probably doesn't even realize that's what I'm trying to do, or why that needs to happen. 

I tend to want to "help" God do His job also. I think I know what the problem is, what needs to happen, and what will work best. In reality, I'm about as helpful as Gimli sitting in Paul's lap while he's working on the shelves. I have no idea what God is doing, or why or how. What on earth can I do to help the almighty God who knows everything that's going on in the world past, present & future & is in full control of everything in the universe? Somehow I think He must have missed something that I picked up on, and He needs my help to fix the problems of the world, or at least my world, which is the most important thing, right?

People have been trying to help God forever. Abraham and Sarah decided to help God fulfill His promise to them that they would have a son & be the father of a great nation by having Abraham have a illegitimate child with their maidservant. As a result, Abraham and Sarah's marriage suffered, Sarah's relationship with her servant suffered, along with many other severe consequences from this decision to be disobedient and "help". Rebekah knew that God had promised her son, Jacob, the blessing from his father, she manipulated circumstances so he would get it by deceiving his brother, Esau. The result of this decision was a complete fall out between these brothers and they lived as enemies for years. Had she not intervened, God may have given Jacob this blessing in a way that didn't destroy his relationship with Esau. When we try to "help" God, we are rebelling against Him. He doesn't need or want our help- he wants our complete obedience to His commands and surrender to His will, whether we understand it or not. 

When Gimli tries to help us, he just gets in the way. If we really want to help God, we will obey His commands without reservation or hesitation. I'm praying that I will get out of the way and let God be God, and me be His faithful servant. 

Worry & Idols

I'm a chronic worrier. I have been all my life. When I think back on the different life stages I've gone through, I find it interesting how things that I worried about then are totally different than what I worry about now. As a teen, I was frantically worried that I wouldn't fit in. In college, I worried I wouldn't stand out. Now, as an adult, those sorts of things rarely cross my mind, but I am still overwhelmed with worry. Now, I worry incessantly about the safety and health of those I care about most. 

After we lost Gimli for a few months, I worry about he and Virginia and their safety every time we leave the house. I worry we will come back to a ransacked apartment and the dogs taken. I worry I will lose hold of their leash and they will run into the street and get hit by a car. Losing Gimli was so painful, the thought of experiencing that again overwhelms me with worry and fear. I know that we have done all we can to secure our apartment, and the odds are very slim that we would be robbed again for many reasons, but I still worry. I truly cannot help it. 

Last Sunday, my pastor gave us a few questions to ask ourselves to help us identify idols in our hearts. I have been mulling over these questions all week:

*From what or whom do you seek your significance?

*What or whom do you worry or think about constantly?

*For what or whom are you willing to bend the rules?

*What are you afraid of losing?

*What or whom is most important for you to be happy?

*What or whom can you not imagine living your life without?

Several things come to mind as I consider these questions in my life, but one would definitely be Gimli and Virginia. I am afraid of losing them & worry about them often. As I've been praying through these questions, God has asked me, "If I called you to go out of the country and you had to leave the dogs here, would you obey Me?" I want to say yes, but I confess I am conflicted about that. It's safe to say that in my heart, I am inching dangerously close to idolatry with Gimli and Virginia. 

God has given me these puppies to be a source of companionship and encouragement in my life. He did not give me these dogs to replace Him in my heart as most important, or to be a source of distraction and distance between myself and the Lord. This is one of many things competing for my worship and adoration. But God will not share me with anyone or anything. He loves me too much to allow me to let anything into my heart that will steal my affection and worship from Him. I pray that God will help me continue to fight against the temptation to put other things besides Him on a pedestal in my heart, and that He would change my heart to be 100% His alone. 

Psalm 73:25-26: Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Repetition

We've been trying to teach Gimli and Virginia how to "shake" (shake hands). They already know how to sit, lay down, spin, go get mommy (my personal favorite!), and now we're hoping to add "shake" to their repertoire of tricks. The way we've been teaching them this trick is to say a command they already know ("Sit"), and then pick up their paw, demonstrate for them how to shake while saying "Shake", and then giving them lots of affirmation right after, even though they didn't technically do the trick yet. And we do this routine over and over and over again. At the beginning of the process, they are confused and they try to do other tricks they already know instead, or they look at us with a puzzled expression. They even become exasperated right before they get it! It's as if they are saying, "What are you trying to teach me mom?! I don't get it!!" Usually, it's right after they hit that exasperated point that it clicks and they understand what we are commanding them to do.

Isn't that the way God teaches us how to live in obedience to Him also? He has given us many examples of both how to live, and how not to live through the people in the Bible, throughout history, and many in our lives today. We also have His commands and instructions throughout all of Scripture. Most significantly, we have the ultimate and perfect example of a godly life through Jesus' earthly life. Now, every day, we learn by repetition.  I keep thinking one day I'm going to conquer the issues that have plagued me for my whole life. I think that with enough will power, accountability or resources, I can conquer anything!  The truth is, I can't. I can't overcome any of my sins on my own.  I need God to change my heart and teach me how to live every day for the rest of my life. Luckily for us, the God of the Universe whom we serve is incredibly patient!  He lovingly and patiently corrects us and reminds us of His commands and His character over and over and over.  Though this process is so incredibly frustrating, and I get so mad at myself for having to re-learn the same lessons again and again, I am so incredibly thankful for God's patient repetition in my life! My memory is so short, and I forget things so very easily.

There's no question we will all need repetitious instruction in our lives as long as we live. It pleases our Father when we go to Him and acknowledge our weakness and need for Him, even if it is the 10,000th time! He never grows weary of us asking for His help. Actually, It's quite the opposite.