Fighting God

We give Gimli and Virginia hair cuts at home to save money. We have perfected our method and gotten our time down to less than 2 hours for both dogs including a bath. They look pretty darn good, if I do say so myself! Virginia, being the compliant and sweet dog she is, is easy to trim. Though she hates getting a hair cut, she lets us move her head and body around as we need to, and waits patiently for us to finish the job. Gimli, on the other hand, is a giant pain in the rear to cut. He fights us the entire time. When we are shaving his tail, he sit down. When we are cutting his ears, he recoils his head, trying to get as far from the clippers as possible. I have to force him to get in the positions we need him to be in. Once we're done, we can tell he knows he looks good and likes being cooler and being able to see. He forgets about that in between cuts, so every cut is like pulling teeth.

As I was fighting with Gimli to get him to let us cut his hair, I thought about all the times I have prayed and asked God to get rid of sin in my life and make me more like Him, and when He starts working in my life, I fight against Him tooth and nail. I know I need to change, but the process of being changed is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and often painful. I want the result, but I don't want to experience what it takes to get there. I can only imagine how frustrated I make God by fighting His leading at every turn, when He has a wonderful place to take me that He knows is the best for me. I want to be trusting of God's leading, like Virginia is of us when we are trimming her: even when I hate it, that I would trust that God knows what He is doing, won't cause me harm, and that what He's working on is worth my temporary discomfort.

In the end, Gimli and Virginia both got hair cuts. His fighting against us didn't make his cut easier or shorter, or get him out of it. In fact, had he just quit fighting us, it would have been faster and less uncomfortable for him. We are stronger than him, and love him enough to not let his hair grow wild until he's full of knots and can't see through his eyebrows. In the same way, God is going to accomplish His purposes with or without our compliance. Fighting against Him is useless and a waste of energy. Fighting against the almighty God of the universe is exhausting! I am praying that I will quit fighting God when His plans are different than what I want, and learn to let Him have the control of my life He deserves and desires as my loving Father.

Comfort

 

Gimli and Virginia love all things soft, warm, and comfortable. They hate sitting or standing on hard floors, which is a bit of a problem since almost all our floors are wood and tile. They always find a soft spot on a rug, or towel to sit on rather than brave the cold tile on their butts. This morning, when I exited the shower, I found Gimli on 1 bath rug, and Virginia on the other, avoiding as best they could the tile throughout the room. They love to snuggle up to us in bed, get under the covers, and lay their heads on our pillows just like little people. Even while laying on our soft bed, Gimli makes a little pillow for himself out of Paul's pants. They love to be comfortable, and will go to extreme lengths to avoid being uncomfortable. If they are uncomfortable, they pout! Oh, are they pitiful pouters! They know how to tug on your heartstrings!

I love to be comfortable too, and often go to great lengths to avoid discomfort. For me, comfort is a real idol. It robs me of my time, temping me to do things that are comfortable but not valuable. It distracts me from obeying God, which almost always requires a leap of faith outside of my comfort zone. It steals the joy of what I could have experienced had I taken that step of faith and followed God's leading because I feared taking a risk. It enslaves me to mediocrity, never fully realizing the potential of myself and opportunities that God gives me. It cheats me out of the peace I could have in giving God control of my life by convincing me that He is not trustworthy or able to meet my needs, so I have to meet them myself . Though I know all of this in my head, my sin nature continually tempts me to go return to my comfort idol. It's easier that way honestly. But oh, what I give up to pursue ease and comfort!

I am convinced at the end of my life, I will want to have live a life of purpose rather than a life of ease. My prayer is that God would give me the strength and determination to choose to invest my days, resources, talents, and treasure in things that might not be the easy and comfortable, but bring glory to God & impact eternity rather than just bring me comfort.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

What's Wrong with Them?

Our good friends, Hallie and Greg, have 2 dogs, Charlie and Sadie. We love to hang out with them, and when we do, we bring the dogs so they can play too. There's just one problem: Virginia doesn't like Sadie.  Sadie is different than Virginia. She has a different kind of bark and plays a little differently than Virginia is used to. Virginia doesn't quite know what to do with her. She usually ends up trying to get us to save her & let her sit on our laps, or hides under a piece of furniture. She looks up at us with her pitiful eyes, saying, "What is wrong with that loud, crazy dog!?" Sadie is a very sweet and fun dog, and we're hoping over time Virginia will get used to their differences and find a way to play with her that they both can enjoy.

I can be the same way with people that are different than me. God has designed and gifted me in specific ways to enable me to serve Him, but these same gifts can also make it hard for me to understand other people's perspectives. I am a laid back, go with the flow kind of person. When I encounter a person who is "Type A", I am often tempted to be annoyed with their extreme attention to detail. I think, "What's wrong with them!? They are making a big deal over something that doesn't matter!" I assume that just because it doesn't matter to me that it doesn't matter at all. I forget that just as God made me patient, laid back and easy going, He made that person highly detailed & committed to excellence. I forget how much I need that person to help me not miss details that are very important. They need me to help them relax and let go of things that aren't important.  We need each other, and God gave us each other as a gift to help us navigate through life.

Nothing is wrong with the way God made Sadie. Nothing is wrong with how he made Virginia either. They just need to learn how to play together. Similarly, when I get frustrated with people who are different than me, it's not that something is wrong with them, or me. We are different, but equally important and created by God to bring Him glory with our unique gifts.  I'm praying that God will help me value and be thankful for those whose gifts are different than mine, and that I would work with my brothers and sisters in Christ to serve God together as a team.

Stuck

Gimli loves to sit up on the back of our chair, but sometimes he finds himself in a precarious situation. Slowly he will slide between the cushion and the back of the chair and can't get himself out. At first he doesn't mind because this is actually pretty comfortable for a while. But when it's time to go outside or eat dinner, he realizes his predicament: he's stuck.

Sometimes, I feel stuck in my relationship with God. It usually happens slowly- Life happens, I get busy, I get preoccupied, and then before I know it, months have gone by without me truly connecting with God. I feel distant from Him, His voice feels silent. I find myself thinking and doing things that I know are not honoring to Christ, yet I fall into it more easily than usual. When I finally do try to pray, I am filled with guilt over the time that has passed since I last spent time with Him. I don't know what to say. The enemy tempts me to hide in shame. He whispers in my ear, "God doesn't want to talk to you. You haven't prayed in how long? Wow, that's bad. You're obviously a pretty lousy Christian. He's so disappointed in you."  Sometimes I believe him. Sometimes I give in to this lie about God's character. I hide from God in shame and embarrassment over my sin. The cycle continues- I am stuck.

There is only way to get out of this shame pit: Truth. The truth is that God is not disappointed in me. He longs to spend time with me because He loves me. He isn't waiting in anger for me to pray or read my Bible. When I pray, He isn't thinking, "Took you long enough." He's thinking- "I'm so glad to spend time with you!"  The truth is, no matter what is going on in my life, no matter what sin I am struggling with, the best thing for me to do always is to seek the Lord and spend time with Him. His love for me is not dependent on how good of a Christian I am. He loves me because He loves me.

He pulls me out of the pit I'm stuck in by reminding me how much He loves me. I never have to be stuck again because Jesus died so that I can be reconciled to God forever. I never have to hide in shame because my sin has been forever taken care of.  What a glorious truth! 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

Growing Pains

Virginia won't jump up on the bed. Not can't- she won't.  She has the physical ability to do it. She's even done it before lots of times when she gets all wound up chasing after Gimli. But most of the time, she just doesn't think she can do it. She looks up at us with her sweet, pitiful face and begs us to bail her out and just pick her up. She whimpers and cries, scratches the side of the bed, tugging on my heart strings, her little puppy dog eyes calling to me: "Mommy, pleeeeese pick me up! I need help! I can't do it!" Being the softy I am, this breaks my heart. But she is not a puppy. She is a 2 year old dog who needs to act like a dog and not a puppy. Am I going to pick her up forever? I can't do that for the rest of her life. She needs to learn to jump up herself. So we decided not to help her anymore. If she wants to get on the bed bad enough, she'll learn to take a risk and jump. I'm not going to lie and say this is not hard for me. But it's the best thing for her, so I tell my heart to chill out, and leave her on the floor.

I often pray to God like this. I cry out to him to eliminate my pain, fix my problem immediately, and get mad when He doesn't. I just want the easy way out, but God has something greater for me. God knows that my pain is temporary, but my soul & my relationship with Him is forever. He is in the business of making me holy, more like Him, more trusting of Him, more dependent on Him. I hate it, but sometimes the only way I can learn is for God to withhold what I want so that I can receive that which is so much better: a trusting and loving relationship with Him; seeing His perspective on life, the world, myself, Himself; experiences that God will use in the future for me to be able to encourage others. The process of growing is uncomfortable, painful, and often awkward, but we must go through it to receive these greater rewards.

Our strategy is working. Virginia has started jumping up on the bed by herself more. She still doubts herself sometimes, but she's growing in this area more every day.  I know she doesn't like being told "no", but in the end, it will be worth it when she conquers this challenge. I don't like it when God tells me "no" or "wait" either. But I am so thankful that God is committed to me growing even when I'm not.

The Unknown Future

Last week, we had the chance to house/dog-sit for some of our very good friends who also have 2 miniature schnauzers. They also have a house and a yard, and every time our dogs get to go over there, they have an absolute blast! They love to run and play in the yard with their buddies! A few days before we went to the house for a week, we told the dogs, "You don't even know how much fun you are about to have!" They of course didn't understand us, or know what was in store for them until we had pulled into the driveway and they saw their home away from home!

As I thought about how excited we were for the dogs, knowing what fun they would have for a week, and how much fun it would be for us to watch them have fun, I thought about how God is a lot like that with us. He knows what is in store for us, knows that we cannot understand it, and can't wait to give us the blessing He has been preparing for us for a long time. Paul graduates from seminary very soon, and I often find myself wondering anxiously about where we will end up, what job he will get, and what our life will look like in 7 months when he is done with school. I envision God watching me wonder and thinking, "You don't even know the blessing I have in store for you!" He's like a dad on Christmas Eve, preparing His child's gifts, anxiously waiting for the moment when He can unveil it to them. And like Gimli and Virginia, we won't know what that blessing is until it's here. So sitting around wondering, fretting, and trying to wrap my mind around something that I cannot comprehend is a waste of time, because God's already got it figured out and will reveal it to me at just the right time, which is not today.

I'm praying that I can sit back and enjoy the blessings God has for me today, and not waste time and energy worrying about things that I can't control in the future.

Worship

Psalm 89:15-16: Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of Your presence, Lord. They rejoice all day long in Your wonderful reputation.They exult in Your righteousness.


Don't Gimli and Virginia look so peaceful and content in this picture? They are resting with each other, enjoying the warmth of the sun. You might even go so far as to say they are "basking" in it. They are resting in the radiance of the sun.  They chose to be in the place in our home where the sun shines the brightest so they could get the most sunlight possible. They don't expect the sun to find them wherever they are- they moved themselves to where it was already shining. 


This picture reminds me of what worshiping God should look like: Resting in God's presence.  It sounds so easy when you boil it down to such a simple phrase, yet many believers don't actively worship on a regular basis. This is something I have struggled with for years. I have looked at other people at church who seem to really be worshiping passionately and thought, "Worship just doesn't come naturally to me like that", or "I'm just not as emotive as they are". Or I've found myself in churches that didn't have music that I preferred, so used that as an excuse to disengage.  The truth is, I have been fearful and lazy. Worship isn't something that just happens automatically. Just like Gimli and Virginia had to move themselves to the place where the sun was shining to receive the warmth, we also must move ourselves, readjust our heart and mindset to be focused on Jesus. We can't just stand there and wait for ourselves to spontaneously erupt in worship. To worship, we must intentionally choose to do so by engaging our hearts and minds. 


There are lots of reasons I have chosen not to engage my heart and mind in worship. I've disengaged at times when I've been in an emotionally fragile place and didn't want to embarrass myself by crying at church. I've avoided worshiping purely because I didn't want to put the work into engaging my heart and mind. I chose to just glaze over, sing the songs, and think about what I'd eat for lunch that day. I've believed a lie that I have to be all put together before I can really worship God, so felt unworthy to be in His presence, and avoided Him. I've had really big stuff going on in my life that has monopolized my thoughts. Instead of casting those things before the Lord, I've spent time I could have been worshiping Him just needlessly worrying and fretting over them. Most of the time, though, I've just been so concerned about how I'd appear to the people around me, not wanting to be thought too spiritual, not spiritual enough, a faker, a weirdo, or any other undesirable description I can come up with. 


Whatever the reason, the one who has lost out in these situations is myself. When we enter the presence of God, we cannot help but be blessed by Him. If we tell Him, "I love you", He will always respond with, "I love you too". How much of a difference would just feeling that love, peace, and comfort made in all of those situations? My prayer is that every opportunity I get, whether in the car on the way to work, at church, in my personal time of prayer and Bible reading, that I will truly rest in God's presence and worship Him with my whole heart. 

The Unnecessary Burden

For Halloween one year, we bought Gimli a lobster costume. He was absolutely adorable in it! Unfortunately, he didn't love being in it as much as we loved him in it. When we put it on him, he just laid down on the ground & wouldn't move. He didn't know what it was that was on him and wouldn't come off, but he did not like it! For Gimli, the lobster costume was nothing but a burden. It prevented him from being able to walk, run, & play. It was hot, uncomfortable, and got in his way.

I've got a burden that keeps creeping back into my life. I don't have to bear this burden, but it's familiar and makes me feel in control, so I often find myself picking it back up. It doesn't help me or offer me anything valuable. It distracts me from what's true, causes me stress, and monopolizes my time and energy with no results. What is this burden that I keep going back to that only takes from me?

Legalism.

Many Christians- myself definitely included- continue to try to earn God's approval and conquer sin on our own. In a culture that tells us, "You can do anything if you just work hard enough and set your mind to it", believing and trusting in the grace God offers us through Jesus' sacrifice seems lazy and foolish. I try to prove to God that I can do it, that I'm strong enough now to not have to rely on Him anymore. I'm treating Him like training wheels, when in reality, He is my wheel chair.

We are also believing lies about God, not accepting the truth that Jesus' death has forever reconciled us to God and He will accept us forever now. When I sin, I envision God looking at me in anger, heaving a giant sigh and saying, "Cynthia. How could you? How many times to I have to explain this to you before you get it? I freaking died for you. Get it together." That is a huge lie from the enemy to get me to hide from God & heap the burden of legalism on myself. God is not surprised by my sin. Jesus bore the full wrath of God against my sin, and that work is complete.

Resting at the feet of the master

God has done all that is necessary to remove the burden of earning salvation and defeating sin from us through Jesus. He is not a harsh, abusive slave driver. He is a gracious Lord to serve. Serving Him is not always easy, but never burdensome. Let's leave the burden of legalism at the foot of the cross where it was forever made obsolete.

Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Honest Prayer

Gimli is so expressive of his feelings! We always know how he's feeling at any moment because he lets us know! When he's mad, he gruffs, goes to his crate and sulks. When he's excited, he has this totally different gruff- his excited gruff- and wags his tail, jumps up on us and gives us kisses. When he's mad at Virginia, he nips at her neck and wrestles her out of the way. I've even seen him get embarrassed, and he hangs his head and tries to play it cool! Hilarious!

I love how honest Gimli is about his feelings. It's not always the best thing to be totally open with our feelings to other people. But the amazing thing about God is that we can be completely honest with Him! We can tell Him every thought that enters our mind, even if its embarrassing, because, well, He already knows it! He knows what we're thinking and feeling & understands why even when we don't. One of my most treasured times with the Lord in my whole life was the first time I was truly honest with Him. I was in college and experienced an unexpected and major disappointment. I laid in my bed sobbing and praying, and somewhere from the depths of my heart that I didn't even know was there, I said to God, "I feel like you were unfaithful to me!" Immediately, I felt terror- "Oh my gosh, I just told God He was unfaithful!" I waited for lightning to strike me for what I perceived as a sinful thought, but instead I felt an overwhelming rush of peace and comfort. I felt like God was actually hugging me! He said, "I already knew you felt that way. It's okay to tell me! I love you!"  Since that day, I have found it incredibly freeing to talk to God about all of my thoughts and feelings, even if I know they are rooted in sin. When I bring them before the Lord, I find that my heart about the situation changes, and He gives me new perspective and helps me know how to respond.

Gimli doesn't have to be afraid of showing us his true feelings because we will love him, accept him and take care of him no matter how he behaves. Jesus has made it possible through His sacrifice for those who have accepted Him to approach God with confidence also, knowing we will always be accepted. What an incredible gift! Why wouldn't we bring every thought, feeling, concern, joy, or pain to His feet?

Hebrews 4:14-16: "So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."

Pressing Upward

Last week, Paul had a one week class that kept him away from home all day for 5 days. The dogs are used to having Paul home with them most of the time, being out of the crate, & getting to play with Paul and each other. This week, that wasn't possible. They had to be in their crates for almost all day. When we finally did get home, they were dying for attention and to run out some energy. After a day or two of this, we noticed they were becoming more and more defiant and disobedient. We couldn't even get them to sit, which they usually do very quickly. Virginia was barking at everything in sight. They were completely acting on instinct instead of following us. As you can imagine, we were incredibly frustrated. When Paul's class ended and he was home more again, they settled back down very quickly. We concluded that their bad behavior was a result of not getting a fundamental need in their lives: quality time with and attention from their master.

I'm the same way when I don't get quality time with my Master, Jesus. It seems like my whole life is out of whack. When I haven't connected with Him, I am more prone to believe lies from my flesh or the enemy. Every insecurity feels like a glaring weakness on display for the world to see, and suddenly all I can think about is fixing myself, or at least how to fix how I appear.  I'm not worshiping God anymore- I'm worshiping the approval of others.  This makes me less patient, less kind, more defensive, more controlling and altogether focused on myself.

What I need every day is to hear my Master tell me, "I love you as you are, weaknesses and all. I have a plan for your life. I am at work in your life. You are valuable because you are Mine." If I don't take time to meet with Him and worship Him, instead of His voice, I hear my sinful flesh, the enemy and the world's voices. Life naturally leads us away from Christ. It's like walking up the down escalator. If we don't intentionally walk towards Christ, we will drift away from Him. It's considerably easier to go with the downward flow of the escalator, but the consequences are great.  I'm praying God will continue to remind me of the great reward of pressing on upward towards Him, and for the strength to keep climbing!

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door... You step into the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." -Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkin

Asking for Help

One thing Gimli and Virginia are great about is knowing their limitations. When they know they can't do something they want to do, they ask for help. When they want to go to the bathroom, they know they need our help to go outside. If they lose a toy under a table, they will whine and whine at us until we go and get their toy for them. They aren't afraid to burden us with another task to do for them. They know that if they ask us for help, we will get what they need.

I confess that I hate asking for help! I hate asking people to go out of their way for me, and feel that when people help me it is an inconvenience for them.  During busy seasons at my job, my coworkers will often ask me if they can help me with anything, and I even then hate to have someone else do what is my responsibility. Ironically, I love helping others and being asked for help.  The ugly truth is, I like to give off the appearance that I have it all together, so whether I'm helping someone else, or not needing help, I hope to appear to not have any weaknesses. But as much as I hate to admit it, I need help a lot. I'm not perfect and I need other people to help me in all areas of my life. Hiding my weakness doesn't help anyone, especially not me. We were made to work together in life, not fly solo. The Bible describes all the followers of Christ together as a "body". A body needs all of its parts to function. In the body of Christ, I am one part, but I can't function without all of the others. It is prideful and unwise for me to try to. 

I hope I'll be able to one day be like Gimli and Virginia, realistic about the gifts God has given me, as well as the ones He hasn't, and unafraid to ask for help when its needed from those who love me and with the common goal to bring God the most glory possible.

Rejection

Gimli loves playing tug of war! He will bring us toys, socks, dish towels, anything he can get his paws on and try to entice us to try to take it from him. He's got quite a jaw lock, and sometimes he holds so tight that we can lift him up off the ground by his teeth, pulling on the toy he's biting. The thing about tug of war is that only one dog can play at a time. Virginia really doesn't like tug of war by herself, but whenever Gimli is playing with us, she all of the sudden decides its her favorite game too and wants to play. She'll just bark and bark at us until we stop playing just with Gimli and start including her in the game. She doesn't like to be left out.

No one likes to feel left out or rejected. We want to be included, desired, and important to others. There's not much worse than feeling forgotten about, or worse: disliked and excluded. Unfortunately, its just a part of life that everyone who has ever lived has experienced. I've been reading a book called Lost Women of The Bible by Carolyn Custis James. She has amazing insight into rejection in the life of Hagar, the maidservant of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah hardcore rejected Hagar! Sarah forced her to get pregnant by her husband, carry a child that she would have to hand over to Sarah, and then after she did all of that, Sarah resents her and abuses her so much that Hagar fled into the wilderness. This is after living her whole life as a Gentile slave girl, which at that time was basically as low as you could be in society. While she was in the wilderness, God spoke to her. He told her that He would bless her and give her many descendants through her son. Hagar then gave God a name: she called Him El Roi, "the God who sees me". Though God gave her this amazing promise, the thing that impacted her the most was that He saw her, He knew everything about her and loved her. She was important to Him. How amazing that must have been for someone who probably never felt important to anyone in her whole life.

God sees each one of us, every person who has ever lived. He loves each of us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice to give us a chance to reconcile our relationship with Him that was broken by our sin. He offers us the gift of forgiveness for our sin that is free for us but very costly for Him. When we receive this gift of forgiveness, He promises He will never reject us.  We can never do anything that will make Him stop loving us or cost us the salvation He has given to us. How wonderful that we serve a God who we never have to fear being rejected by!

Minding My Business

Often when Gimli and Virginia plop down to rest, they lay in ways that seem to make no sense. Their necks and heads craned back as if in a back bend, or draped over our laps with their heads hanging upside down. We look at them and say, "That can't be comfortable!" I will pick them up and try to reposition them in a way that I think will be more pleasant for them. But in the end, they twist, turn, dig, and stretch as they wish and lay in ways they choose. They know what makes them comfortable more than I do.

I can often do the same thing with people I know and love, people I don't like, and even those I don't know at all. How very easy it is for me to project my own opinions, preferences, and convictions on other people. There are times when a friends' well being is at stake, but the majority of the time, their choices may cause an annoyance to me, but no danger to them or anyone else. And truthfully, is there anything more annoying than a person offering unsolicited and undesired advice?

When I think about the impact I want to have on others, that's not what I have in mind. I don't want to be the type of person people avoid sharing their lives with for fear of intrusion and judgement. People will always disagree with me, choose to value things differently than I do, and make decisions I may not agree with. I pray that God would make me a person of safety and comfort for others, one whom people feel free to be themselves and not have to wear a mask. Those are the kinds of relationships we all remember and cherish the most.

 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

"Do I Matter to You?"

Gimli is trying to oust Virginia from
 the spot closest to Paul

Gimli loves to hang out in his crate, and will often just sit in there while the rest of us are hanging out in the living room. He is totally content nestled in his dark crate, curled up in the warm blankets- that is until he suspects that Virginia is getting attention from us. I don't know how he knows, but somehow he can sense when Virginia is getting a tummy rub or is snuggling up to us. Though he was previously content in his dark, soft crate, when attention is being dolled out, he has to be on the receiving end. He will push Virginia out of the way, step on her, whatever he needs to do to steal all the attention for himself.

Though I've learned how to control my behavior to not actually push people out of my way, I can often still have this very same attitude about others' successes.  Do I rejoice with my friends when they receive a blessing even if I haven't? Even if I've been praying for that same blessing and have yet to receive it? Even if I know I will never receive that very same blessing? More often, when others receive a blessing I want, I turn in bitterness and anger to God, asking, "Why did you give that to her? Why not me?! It's not FAIR God!!"  The truth behind this reaction is not so much about the other person's blessing, but about my apparent lack of blessing. My heart is crying out to God asking, "Do you see me? Do you hear my cries? Do I matter to You?"

The truth is that God does hear us, and He cares more than we can imagine. So often it doesn't feel like that, but that is the truth, no matter what the circumstance may be. He may not answer the way we would like, but whatever He chooses is always the best. When we believe God is for us, that He loves us and is at work in our lives, we can more easily rejoice with our friends when they experience times of blessing, even in our times of waiting and longing. We will all experience seasons of blessing and seasons of painful longing. Whichever season we are in, we need our brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside us and go through it together. I am praying that I would be a catalyst for worship to those God has placed in my life, and that He would provide those relationships for me as well, so we can all worship God together in every season of life.

Lamentations 3:55-58: But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help! Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” Lord, you are my lawyer! Plead my case! For you have redeemed my life.

Trying to Help

Gimli and Virginia love being the center of our attention. As you can probably imagine, we cannot give them our undivided attention every moment of the day like they would prefer. Sometimes, they decide to force us to give them attention in not-so-subtle ways.  We like to call this "helping". Just yesterday, Gimli decided to "help" Paul take apart some shelves by jumping into his lap, making it very difficult for Paul to get the job done. He does the same thing to me when I'm trying to dust or clean counter tops. He thinks I'm playing with him, so he chases me around trying to steal my rags. Though his intentions are good in wanting to engage with us in what we're doing, the last thing he is being is helpful. Really, he's just getting in the way and making it impossible for us to do the job we need to do. Of course, he doesn't care about clean counters, and probably doesn't even realize that's what I'm trying to do, or why that needs to happen. 

I tend to want to "help" God do His job also. I think I know what the problem is, what needs to happen, and what will work best. In reality, I'm about as helpful as Gimli sitting in Paul's lap while he's working on the shelves. I have no idea what God is doing, or why or how. What on earth can I do to help the almighty God who knows everything that's going on in the world past, present & future & is in full control of everything in the universe? Somehow I think He must have missed something that I picked up on, and He needs my help to fix the problems of the world, or at least my world, which is the most important thing, right?

People have been trying to help God forever. Abraham and Sarah decided to help God fulfill His promise to them that they would have a son & be the father of a great nation by having Abraham have a illegitimate child with their maidservant. As a result, Abraham and Sarah's marriage suffered, Sarah's relationship with her servant suffered, along with many other severe consequences from this decision to be disobedient and "help". Rebekah knew that God had promised her son, Jacob, the blessing from his father, she manipulated circumstances so he would get it by deceiving his brother, Esau. The result of this decision was a complete fall out between these brothers and they lived as enemies for years. Had she not intervened, God may have given Jacob this blessing in a way that didn't destroy his relationship with Esau. When we try to "help" God, we are rebelling against Him. He doesn't need or want our help- he wants our complete obedience to His commands and surrender to His will, whether we understand it or not. 

When Gimli tries to help us, he just gets in the way. If we really want to help God, we will obey His commands without reservation or hesitation. I'm praying that I will get out of the way and let God be God, and me be His faithful servant. 

Worry & Idols

I'm a chronic worrier. I have been all my life. When I think back on the different life stages I've gone through, I find it interesting how things that I worried about then are totally different than what I worry about now. As a teen, I was frantically worried that I wouldn't fit in. In college, I worried I wouldn't stand out. Now, as an adult, those sorts of things rarely cross my mind, but I am still overwhelmed with worry. Now, I worry incessantly about the safety and health of those I care about most. 

After we lost Gimli for a few months, I worry about he and Virginia and their safety every time we leave the house. I worry we will come back to a ransacked apartment and the dogs taken. I worry I will lose hold of their leash and they will run into the street and get hit by a car. Losing Gimli was so painful, the thought of experiencing that again overwhelms me with worry and fear. I know that we have done all we can to secure our apartment, and the odds are very slim that we would be robbed again for many reasons, but I still worry. I truly cannot help it. 

Last Sunday, my pastor gave us a few questions to ask ourselves to help us identify idols in our hearts. I have been mulling over these questions all week:

*From what or whom do you seek your significance?

*What or whom do you worry or think about constantly?

*For what or whom are you willing to bend the rules?

*What are you afraid of losing?

*What or whom is most important for you to be happy?

*What or whom can you not imagine living your life without?

Several things come to mind as I consider these questions in my life, but one would definitely be Gimli and Virginia. I am afraid of losing them & worry about them often. As I've been praying through these questions, God has asked me, "If I called you to go out of the country and you had to leave the dogs here, would you obey Me?" I want to say yes, but I confess I am conflicted about that. It's safe to say that in my heart, I am inching dangerously close to idolatry with Gimli and Virginia. 

God has given me these puppies to be a source of companionship and encouragement in my life. He did not give me these dogs to replace Him in my heart as most important, or to be a source of distraction and distance between myself and the Lord. This is one of many things competing for my worship and adoration. But God will not share me with anyone or anything. He loves me too much to allow me to let anything into my heart that will steal my affection and worship from Him. I pray that God will help me continue to fight against the temptation to put other things besides Him on a pedestal in my heart, and that He would change my heart to be 100% His alone. 

Psalm 73:25-26: Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Repetition

We've been trying to teach Gimli and Virginia how to "shake" (shake hands). They already know how to sit, lay down, spin, go get mommy (my personal favorite!), and now we're hoping to add "shake" to their repertoire of tricks. The way we've been teaching them this trick is to say a command they already know ("Sit"), and then pick up their paw, demonstrate for them how to shake while saying "Shake", and then giving them lots of affirmation right after, even though they didn't technically do the trick yet. And we do this routine over and over and over again. At the beginning of the process, they are confused and they try to do other tricks they already know instead, or they look at us with a puzzled expression. They even become exasperated right before they get it! It's as if they are saying, "What are you trying to teach me mom?! I don't get it!!" Usually, it's right after they hit that exasperated point that it clicks and they understand what we are commanding them to do.

Isn't that the way God teaches us how to live in obedience to Him also? He has given us many examples of both how to live, and how not to live through the people in the Bible, throughout history, and many in our lives today. We also have His commands and instructions throughout all of Scripture. Most significantly, we have the ultimate and perfect example of a godly life through Jesus' earthly life. Now, every day, we learn by repetition.  I keep thinking one day I'm going to conquer the issues that have plagued me for my whole life. I think that with enough will power, accountability or resources, I can conquer anything!  The truth is, I can't. I can't overcome any of my sins on my own.  I need God to change my heart and teach me how to live every day for the rest of my life. Luckily for us, the God of the Universe whom we serve is incredibly patient!  He lovingly and patiently corrects us and reminds us of His commands and His character over and over and over.  Though this process is so incredibly frustrating, and I get so mad at myself for having to re-learn the same lessons again and again, I am so incredibly thankful for God's patient repetition in my life! My memory is so short, and I forget things so very easily.

There's no question we will all need repetitious instruction in our lives as long as we live. It pleases our Father when we go to Him and acknowledge our weakness and need for Him, even if it is the 10,000th time! He never grows weary of us asking for His help. Actually, It's quite the opposite.

Investing Time

I often think as I look at my dogs resting, sprawled out on their dog bed, without a care in the world, "Wouldn't it be nice to live with so little worries or responsibilities?"  The only things my dogs do all day is sleep, play, snuggle, eat, and go to the bathroom. They don't have jobs, don't worry about what they will eat, what they will do. They don't have big, important dreams they are working hard to achieve. They don't have responsibilities to tend to, people to care for, or things to pay for. They don't contemplate things like, "What do I want to do with my life? What am I good at? What are my gifts? How do I compare with others around me?" They just live.

It can be tempting to be envious of this lifestyle. Of course it sounds amazing to be able to sit around and nap, have fun and let others meet all of my needs all day. But as image-bearers of our Creator, we have a higher calling than to just exist. We were created to reflect God's character to the world. This is not a passive calling, but one that requires us to be intentional about achieving. It can be so easy to float through life on auto pilot, and go through our daily routines without a second thought about how we spend our time.  In every season of life, it feels as if we don't have enough time. No matter what our lives look like, we will always find something to fill our minutes. The challenge is choosing to be intentional about using our minutes to bring glory to God and to serve others in a way that draws them closer to Jesus.  This won't happen by accident. Lives are not changed automatically. If we want to live the life God created us to live and calls us to, if we want to see lives changed, if we want our lives to impact the world for eternity, we're going to have to invest our time rather than pass the time.


The lazy life of a dog may seem to be an enviable one, but if we were to replicate this lifestyle as people, we would be vastly unfulfilled, and would be wasting the most precious, most non-renewable resource in the world: Time. My prayer is that I would learn to intentionally invest every minute of my day to serve Christ, and not miss opportunities He sends my way to be the reflection of His image to others.

Rest

The majority of the pictures we take of our dogs are of them sleeping! They look so sweet when they cuddle up together and fall asleep! They need a lot of rest and take a lot of naps during the day. Their little bodies are just not strong enough to stay active all day long.

Our bodies aren't strong either. We are asleep for 1/3 of our lives! In order to continue to live, we must stop and be completely still and mentally unengaged for 8 hours every day. Compared to God, we are so weak. God is completely in control and in full knowledge of everything going on in the world all the time, and He never has to rest. He is so very big, strong, great and mighty. We are so small, weak and insignificant. But He loves us each so very much, and cares about each individual person that He creates, and all the little details of each of our lives. How very trustworthy He is to meet all of our needs. There's nothing He can't handle. In that case, I think I'll go take a nap!

This can't be comfortable

He thinks he's a person

Speaking their Language

One of the most frustrating things about dog ownership is the language barrier between us and the dogs! You can teach them a few words and commands to go with those words, but that's about all they will get, no matter how smart your dog is. For some reason, I keep trying to teach my dogs how to act by talking to them like people. You'd think I would have learned by now not to talk to them like people, but I'm so used to speaking my own language, I often forget to speak their language. I'm not talking about barking at them. That would be hilarious to watch, but ultimately completely ineffective. Dogs live in a pack order, and the whole pack follows the leader. In the wild, the pack leader will bite at the neck of an insubordinate dog to remind him who is the leader. So, when we need to correct the dogs, we use our hands to "bite" them at the neck, telling them to back off and respect our leadership. They are not capable of understanding our way of communicating, so we must communicate with them in a way they can understand.

We have a language barrier with God too. On our own, we are completely unable to understand His ways, His voice, & His words. Yet He has chosen to reveal Himself and His truth to us in a way we can understand. He gave us the Bible, His truth in words we can understand. But even in that, He must enable us to understand it. He also speaks to our hearts individually in very personal ways. We often miss it because we aren't listening, but if you do, you will hear His words. I remember very clearly the first time God spoke to me in this way. I was at a crossroads in my faith as an 8th grader. I had accepted Jesus' sacrifice for my sins, but I was still living my life my own way. One day at a youth camp, God said to me in my heart, "Are you with me or not?" When I answered, "Yes," my life was never the same.

How very gracious is our God, who loves us so much and wants us to know Him, so He communicates that to us in very clear and personal ways. For those of us who already know of this amazing love, how important it is for us to tell those who don't yet know- in a way they can understand.

Responding to Difficulty

This is a picture of Gimli cuddling with our friend Jeremy. They are our dog sitters any time we go out of town and can't take them with us. They have two schnauzers also and a big back yard, so going to their house is like doggie summer camp! As you can tell, Gimli is really missing us right now... yeah, right! Of course, when we came back, he was so excited to see us, but at this moment, he is content being a part of the new family pack. When we first dropped him off, he was nervous and unsettled. We try to sneak out without him noticing so he won't freak out at our departure. Usually it takes him a few days to warm up at his temporary home, but as you can see, by this point, he's accepted the situation and is content. 

Gimli was not in control of the decision for him to spend a week at our friends' house while we were out of town, but we, his care givers, were, and made that choice because it was in his best interest. God has been challenging me a lot recently with being faithful and giving my very best with whatever I am entrusted with. Sometimes, the things God has entrusted me with are not what I want to be doing. Many of the responsibilities in my life are not fun, exciting, spiritual, or easy. But that is irrelevant to how I am called to respond. What matters is that I've been entrusted with a responsibility by the God of the Universe and my personal Savior, and out of love, obedience and trust in Him, I must follow through to the best of my ability. A lot of life we can control, and we must accept responsibility for those choices, commitments & consequences. But sometimes, we must accept circumstances that are beyond our control also. In circumstances where we are not in control, the situation is not what we would have chosen, and we suffer consequences as a result, it can be so difficult to remember that though we were not in control, God was, and chose to put us in that situation for a reason.

I am often tempted to think that because a circumstance was not of my choosing that I have a free pass to be bitter, complaining, and disobedient. Or because a person treats me unfairly or disrespectfully, that I am allowed to respond to them with disrespect as well because "they did it to me first and they deserve it." Things will never go exactly how I'd like for them to, and I won't be treated kindly by everyone. That's just life. We can't control every situation or person, but we can control how we respond to them. God is honored when we respond to difficult situations with a positive attitude and seek to bring Him glory with our response. It is not pleasing to Him when we respond with ingratitude, unkindness and selfishness.

We may not get to choose every circumstance we find ourselves in, and every person we must interact with, but we can trust that the One who is in control will provide for us what we need to navigate through these challenges if we will rely on Him.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,  since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." -Colossians 3:23


"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

What's the Real Prize?

Gimli and Virginia have mastered the art of manipulation. They are true professionals. When they want something, they know just how to tug on our heart strings to better their chances of getting what they want. This comes out the most when they want some people food. When we are eating on the couch, they will come up right next to us, lay their little heads on our laps and look up at us with these big, sweet puppy dog eyes and wait. It's so hard to resist because they are just so sweet! But the second we finish eating and put our plates down, they jump up and leave. That's how I know they don't really want to cuddle with me- they want me to give them some food.

On Sunday, our pastor preached on a passage in Exodus 33 about the Israelites and Moses when they were in the wilderness. God had made a promise to the Israelites that He would give them the land of Canaan, but He was frustrated with them for their sinful, ungrateful and stubborn hearts and basically tells them, "I'll give you the land as I promised, but my presence won't go there with you." God tells them, "I'll give you your dream, but you won't have Me." Our pastor asked us, "What if God gave you a winning lottery ticket and said, 'Take it, but you won't have My presence with you.' Would you take it?" The truth is that often I would rather have God give me what I want than to be in His presence and have what He wants for me. All too often, I beg at God's feet like Gimli & Virginia beg at ours- with a primary desire for the gift, not the Giver. But unlike me, God doesn't fall for the act. He knows exactly what is going on in our hearts even more so than we do. My pastor has said several times at church that "Our hearts are idol factories." Our hearts are bent towards worshiping an earthly thing rather than the Creator of all things because of our sin nature.  I want to want God more than anything, but far too often, I'm more interested in what He can do for me than His presence.

Moses told God, "Let us wander in the wilderness and die here if your presence won't go with us to the promised land." He knew the true prize was God's presence, not the land. My prayer is that as I spend time with God daily, that He would show me more of His goodness, character, glory and love for me, and that my heart would be completely transformed by His presence.

Hand Picked

Gimli growling on the left

When we decided to get Gimli and Virginia, we chose a breeder located in our home town. Since we live 1,000 miles away, we couldn't make it over to their house to visit the puppies when they were babies. Luckily, my sister helped us out and went over to the house and took some photos of the whole litter so we could pick out our new puppy. In both cases, though, the decision was very easy. One puppy stood out among the rest: that was OUR dog!

With Gimli, it was the first photo. Paul took one look at this "growling" puppy and said, "That's my boy!" With Virginia, it was the second picture. We picked her out while Gimli was still missing.  I had intended to surprise Paul with a new puppy at Christmas. But after a few weeks, his mom and I decided to tell him to help ease the pain of missing Gimli. He took one look at the second photo, pointed to Virginia and said, "I want HER!" We were in love before we even met them!

We hand picked our two sweet puppies who we would love and care for for their whole lives. The Bible tells us that God hand picked us to be His children also:

John 15:16-17: You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.

1 Peter 2:9: You are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Virginia is the 2nd from the right

We picked out Gimli & Virginia after they were born, but God chose us before He even created us. We will love and care for Gimli & Virginia as long as they live, but God will love and care for us for eternity. Not only did He choose us, but chose us for a purpose: to love others and show them the goodness of God.  We were designed and chosen by the Living God to love God and love others forever. Knowing that the God of the Universe created me and chose me to be in a relationship with Him gives me such a sense of worth and value that cannot be taken away due to circumstances, my performance or success in life, or others' opinion of me. I pray that in the moments when I am tempted to believe that my worth is tied up in what I can accomplish, produce, or who I can impress, that I will remember that my true worth is defined by the fact that the Living God created me & chose me, not because of who I am or what I can do, but because of His love for me.

Delight

I was looking through all the pictures we have of the dogs through their lives last week, and one word  came to my mind frequently: Delight. We delight in being with Gimli and Virginia! We delight in the relationships we have with them. When we first picked up Gimli, we were overjoyed to finally have the puppy we'd wanted for years. He cried all night, needed lots of play time, chewed up our stuff, peed all over our carpets and our bed once, but even with all of that, we still delighted in him. We still loved him, enjoyed spending time with him, and seeing him grow and learn new things.

Now that we have Gimli and Virginia, we still delight in them. This morning, it was rainy, cold, and wet outside. Paul walked the dogs as usual, and also as usual, Virginia took her sweet time to take care of her business. The three of them came back inside soaking wet. I could tell Paul was frustrated with her, but still picked her up and dried her off sweetly so she wouldn't be cold.  And there is seriously nothing better on the planet than when they jump up into our bed at night and snuggle up to me! My heart just fills up with joy in those moments, even if I am uncomfortable and can't sleep!  We delight in them, not because they do anything for us of value (they don't), or because they are perfectly well behaved (they certainly are not), or because of how they treat and respond to us. We delight in them because they are our pups and we love having them in our lives.

As I looked through all these photos and thought about how much I delight in our pups, I couldn't help but also think about how much God delights in each of us. My delight of the pups is nothing compared to how God delights in His children!  I am often tempted to believe that God is frustrated or annoyed at me when I blow it, or that He doesn't know or care that I'm alive when He seems distant, but that is absolutely not true. The Bible is overwhelmingly clear that He loves us with an everlasting love that is not dependent on the things we do or don't do, or how we love Him in return. He loves us because He loves us.  What a wonderful, glorious, and joyful reality!

I am so thankful for the little glimpse of the unconditional love God has for me by learning to love these little creatures that are fully dependent on me and helpless without me. I leave you with a selection of verses from Romans 8 that describe the infinite and complete love of God for His people:

From Romans 8 :He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ... Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Following the Call

Gimli mid-bark

Our neighbor stopped by the other day to borrow an iron. Being the fierce watchdog that Gimli is, he went nuts. He barked and barked, and wanted to storm out the door the second he could to greet the unknown visitor. We are trying to reclaim the door as our territory, so we've been commanding Gimli to go to his crate when he starts going berserk at the door. So, following along with this plan, Paul commands Gimli, "Go to your crate!". Gimli whines and reluctantly runs to his crate. Two seconds later, he's back. He can't help himself- he must know who it is that is at our door! He runs back to the door from the crate, to which Paul responds, "Gimli- go to your crate!" Letting us know his disapproval of this command, he whines all the way back to his crate, and guess what- 2 seconds later- back at the door! This pattern repeats 5 or 6 times before we could actually open the door for our neighbor.

Gimli had difficulty submitting to Paul's command because he had something different in mind for himself in this situation. He didn't like the command Paul gave him, so he struggled to obey. We could tell he wanted to obey out of loyalty to Paul, but the situation seemed more important than obedience. It wasn't of course, which we knew because we could see who was behind the door through the peep hole. Gimli had no idea who was there, and couldn't know because he is just too short to look through the peephole. But we're not. We are trying to train him to trust us to handle the unknown. I can relate to Gimli, because I often have trouble accepting God's call on my life if I want something different. Even when the calling God has given me is abundantly clear, I often struggle to obey because- well, I just don't like it. I go back and forth with Him, asking a zillion questions like,

 "Are you sure this is what I'm supposed to be doing? Are you sure you want me here? Are you sure I'm not going to look like an idiot if I do this? Wouldn't we all be happier if I were doing this other thing? See, look at all the advantages of me doing this other thing! No?... You just want me to keep doing what you've already told me to? For how long? (no answer)  I' guess that means indefinitely... But are you SURE God???" 

The truth I must accept is that in every phase of my life, there will be something I want to be different about my life. Life will never look exactly how I desire it to. That's the problem with living in a fallen world in a sinful body. But honestly, it really shouldn't because I don't know what's best for me, or what's lurking behind doors I can't see behind. I have to learn to accept the call God has given me for today, and obey Him because He is trustworthy & sees the big picture of my life and the whole universe. I don't think He minds, though, when I ask a zillion questions. Obedience is a process, and one we must engage with God to learn, so I think asking questions is good, as long as I can accept His answers even if it's not what I want to hear.

I believe God's got a plan to teach me to trust and obey Him, just like we've got a plan to teach Gimli not to go berserk over every knock on the door. Both plans involve commands requiring immediate and thorough obedience. I hope Gimli and I both learn quick!

Comfort

We took Gimli and Virginia to get their annual check ups last week. They did great at the vet, but shortly after we returned home, Virginia started having an allergic reaction to one of the vaccines she got. It was clear she felt terrible. We ended up having to take her back to the vet twice to relieve her pain. The whole time she was sick, she just cuddled up to me and wanted me to pet her. I got up for just a second, and when I returned she was shivering because she was scared. She didn't want to leave my side even for a second. She didn't feel good and knew where she would receive comfort. She didn't go to her toys, her food, her water, or even Gimli. She came to her mom.

When I am in pain, I don't always go to my Father for comfort. I often go to friends, family, Paul, seek to mask my pain through food or distract myself through entertainment. None of things can do anything for my pain. All they can offer is a temporary distraction. Christ, however, knows our pain intimately. We don't even have to tell Him what's going on- He knows. He loves us exponentially more than we will ever understand, and certainly more than anyone else will ever love us. He is in perfect control of all things, knows the past, present, and future of the entire universe, and yet cares about the little details in each of our lives. This is truly amazing. Why on earth would I turn to anything else? Mostly because I'm sinful, but my prayer is that God would remind me of His presence, His love and His desire and ability to comfort me in my pain, and that I need Him in the painful times.


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11: 28-31